#mental health
3 Reasons Everyone Needs a Coach
3 Reasons Everyone Needs a Coach
By Karen Amos
As Bill Gates said… ‘Everyone needs a coach.’ And who am I to argue? I mean, the lad’s done OK for himself hasn’t he?
As a coach, I’m often asked, ‘Do you have a coach?’ The answer is, ‘Yes, I have several coaches.’
I have coaches for various aspects of my life and work, depending on what I need. For example, I have a long-standing coach supervisor who supports and challenges me to improve my own practice as a coach. I’ve also had business and personal coaches at critical points.
I’m writing this blog, as I had a realisation this morning I needed more coaching. This time it’s for physical fitness. Some of you may know I had a hip replacement in the spring. It was successful and I’m now getting my life and mental wellbeing back, being able to walk up my beloved mountains and get the space, peace and exercise I so need. (Even though I do spend a disproportionate amount of time asking myself what on earth I was thinking, when finding myself on a steep slope in the pouring rain!)
So back to my fitness coaching. Most people understandably assume that as a coach myself I’m hyper-motivated all the time and know all the nifty coaching techniques to successfully coach myself to whatever goal I choose. Which is kind of true, but here’s the problem – I’m only human.
That being human means that sometimes I can be a bit defeatist and even, dare I say it, a bit lazy. Yep, let’s face it, we all have our excuses ready from time to time don’t we?
To quote another famous sleb, ‘You can have what you want, or you can have your excuses.’ That one’s from good old Arnie and again, he seems to have done OK for himself too!
“YOU CAN HAVE WHAT YOU WANT OR YOU CAN HAVE YOUR EXCUSES”
So, with all that in mind, I’ve called my gym coach to discuss returning to paying her to allow me to complain, swear and turn into a sweaty mess for a couple of hours a week – otherwise known as gym classes.
Now, I have all the equipment at home and knowledge of training routines to crack on and get my fitness up to scratch again, so why don’t I just do that? Well, the same reasons I would recommend a coach for anyone at work, applies to me too.
1. Challenge
Your coach, whether that’s a leadership, fitness, business or any other type of coach, will push you out of your comfort zone. That ‘un-comfort’ zone is where the change that needs to happen, does happen.
Let’s stick with fitness as an example – you start off with great intentions, but within a very short space of time, you revert back to what’s comfortable. That’s just human nature – it’s how we’re wired – but to get meaningful change we have to enlist someone who’s going to challenge us. This is vital, whether that’s to do that extra set of reps with the weights, or to make that scary decision we’ve been putting off.
The important thing about challenge in coaching is that it’s done with positive intentions and to serve the agenda and goals of the coachee. This isn’t about the coach getting off on how uncomfortable they can make their clients. Any old dictator can do that!
2. Mindset
This goes along with the challenge. A good coach will help you envisage a step-up bigger than you would normally take yourself. They don’t take ‘no’ for an answer and will help you build a positive, can-do, growth mindset, not based on wishful thinking, but on affirmative, tangible action and results.
In short, a good coach helps you get out of your own way.
3. Accountability
Commitment makes or breaks success. Doing something once, however well will not bring you lasting success (even if that one thing is buying a winning lottery ticket. With the wrong mindset, you’ll have blown it in no time). As the US coach Tony Robbins describes, we need to take small, consistent steps to maintain lasting change.
Working with another person is a fantastic way to help build personal accountability. This is particularly true if you’re a senior leader or business owner, or even if you’re doing something for you, such as starting a new fitness programme.
The fact is, stating an intention out loud, particularly to someone whom you respect, means you are much more likely to follow through on your actions. Let’s face it, none of us like to be proved wrong, or wanting do we?
Additionally, paying for this means we feel we have personally invested something. We have skin in the game. It’s an uncomfortable fact, but this is why ‘free’ programmes often fail and have much fewer participants at the end. There’s just not enough investment personally from the participants. Not enough to lose. This way, we’re much more likely to dig deeper – if you’re a born and bred Yorkshire woman like me, you’ll always want to get your money’s worth! This inevitably means better results.
So the question is, how and from whom can you get the right level of challenge, positive mindset and accountability?
Hopefully that’s given you some insights into why all good coaches have coaching. Why not give it a go? After all, think of how much you could gain…
Check out the links below to find out more about our latest coaching-based training courses and programmes. We also offer individual and team coaching on leadership and performance matters.
For schools and education settings
For business and organisations
Or call us: 07714 855757
or click HERE to book in a short, no-obligation chat
Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports leaders and managers to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a down-to-earth, practical approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.
3 Reasons Everyone Needs A Coach
Overwhelmed with work? Treat your to-do list as if you were going on holiday...
Overwhelmed with work? Treat your to-do list as if you were going on holiday...
By Karen Amos
Is your workload stressing you out right now?
If so, I’d say you’re in good company. So many people are saying they’ve too much to do and not enough time to do it in. On top of this, there’s the added pressure of the summer holidays. Of course, this is doubly significant for those working in education with end of term looming – but it also applies to anyone who has a break booked, but doubts whether they’ll make it in one piece due to the amount tasks they’re facing.
So before we look at what we can do to manage this, let’s do a quick reality check (Magic wands and wishful thinking are very nice, but some things are just fact – albeit slightly uncomfortable ones!).
FACT #1 – There will always be too much work and too many things to do in any given day, week, month, eternity…
FACT #2 – No matter how motivated, or how good your intentions are, you only have a finite amount of energy. (Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you are not a robot!)
FACT #3 – Much of the pressure we feel is artificially created. It comes from other people, or worse still ‘systems’ and cultures, that we leave unquestioned.
FACT #4 – The more tired and stressed you get, the more ineffective and unproductive you become.
OK, so that’s all the doom and gloom stuff, but does that mean we’re all destined for a life of unproductivity and angst? Absolutely not! And the good news is that so much more is in your control than you may believe.
This is why I believe we should take the ‘One week to my holidays’ approach to managing our workload…
So here’s how it usually goes over your last 5 working days:
Day 5 – You’re full of good intentions about how you will clear all those pesky jobs that have lurked on your to-do list all year. That way you can go on holiday with a clear conscience, self-congratulating at all the amazing work you’ve smashed this week…
Day 4 – You’ve tripled the length of said to-do list, but haven’t actually done a single thing, other than fire-fighting more tasks that weren’t even on there.
Day 3 – You realise that half of these tasks will take at least a week each, so decide to put them off until after your holidays (or even next year!).
Day 2 – You’ve ditched 80% of your original tasks and are now prioritising the the things that will cause disaster/mayhem/get you the sack if you don’t do them…
Final working day – You’re ditching tasks from that list with abandon (many of which will never find their way back onto it, even though you were convinced were non-negotiables three days ago). You’re becoming slightly delirious and demob-happy and start doing the bare bones of what’s needed and seem to have forgotten about your perfectionist tendencies after all…
Sound familiar? I know it well!
So if those tasks were so important in the first place, why do some become more negotiable/optional the more time-pressures exert themselves?
Usually it’s because they actually weren’t so important. They were wishes, they were unplanned and they were good intentions (and we all know what the road to hell is paved with…).
That’s why we should be grateful for that last-minute panic before our holidays. It helps us shine a light on what’s really important and also what our day is actually filled with.
Here are some coaching questions to help you see your workload in a new light:
1. Realistically, how long will these tasks take me with no distractions?
2. What would I advise the people I line manage if they presented me with this to-do list?
3. What needs to change in order to achieve the more strategic stuff, or the things that will make a difference?
4. What 3 things can I put in place quickly and easily to cut out distractions and fire-fighting?
5. Who are the key people around me who can help me with this?
Hopefully, you’re now able to give yourself permission to take a fresh view of that never-ending to-do list and have a wonderful, restorative holiday!
If you’d like to find out more about our training courses and programmes on time-management, work-life balance and wellbeing please get in touch. We also offer individual and team coaching on leadership and performance matters.
Call us: 07714 855757
or click HERE to book in a short, no-obligation chat
Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports leaders and managers to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a down-to-earth, practical approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.
Your Christmas Coaching Survival Guide...
Your Christmas Coaching Survival Guide…
By Karen Amos
So here it is – my coaching guide to surviving Christmas!
When I say ‘Christmas’, I’m talking about the general Christmas celebrations we have in the UK, not the religious festival. I do feel these are two markedly different things.
So how did it all get so out of control?
There are reports of Christmas being commercialised since the late 1800’s and perhaps even before, so it’s not necessarily a ‘new’ thing. Santa had been illustrated as dressed in red in the mid 1800’s, but Coca Cola famously linked Santa to its brand colours. The reason? It was difficult to sell fizzy drinks in winter! We’re now in the situation where parents take their children to see the Coca Cola truck and ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ at the spectacle. Well that clearly worked didn’t it?
The 1947 film Miracle on 34th St is basically about the over-commecialisation of Christmas in a store. Did you know that even Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer was invented in 1939 by another department store to sell merchandise?
So, this retail extravaganza really isn’t that new – along with the stress that we associate with the build up.
The evergreen Christmas stress is tough enough without all the financial concerns people are now having. So, if the thought of Christmas is causing you more stress than pleasure, this is the perfect opportunity to do something different and have the Christmas you really want.
I say this as someone who took charge of their Christmas years ago. I got tired of the retail-obsessed, drink-and-eat-all-you-can-fest, so started my own tradition of going to the Cairngorms for Christmas. My husband and I have one low-key ‘Christmas do’ with our family before departing to the Highlands in our campervan. We walk in the snow on Cairngorm summit on Christmas morning, before having an expensive bottle of wine and tapas and other nibbles for Christmas ‘dinner’.
Lots of people say they are jealous of us being able to do this, but they could just as easily do this themselves if they chose. It’s completely in anyone’s gift to change.
But it’s not that easy?
My advice is to think about your absolute ‘must have’s’ for Christmas – what’s really important? It’s unlikely to be a cuddly toy vegetable from a discount supermarket, or a huge credit card bill and a 7-day hangover!
Here’s a great coaching question to take a step out of your usual mindset:
‘If I could do anything I wanted at Christmas – what would I be doing?’
Your ‘dream’ Christmas may not be possible, but often it’s nearer than you think.
Once you’ve answered this question, pick out the elements that make Christmas special for you, what’s given you joy in the past – and also which bits would you gladly bin!
Then work out all the ways, including seemingly impossible ones, to make this happen.
It often helps to do this with someone else, so they can help you find the solutions and work-arounds.
A big fear is that family and friends will be upset or offended if you’re not doing what they want, so remember:
#1 – You can’t control other people – just yourselves.
#2 – There may be ways you can spend time with family and friends, but in a way that still meets your needs.
#3 – Even if some people are disappointed, they’ll get over it! Let’s face it, by new year, Christmas is already a distant memory for most people.
#4 – Stick to your guns if you’re doing something radically different. Once you’ve made the change, it’s much easier in future to continue with this.
This was definitely the case on our first year going to the Cairngorms, but now everyone expects us to do this and it’s no big deal.
If you’re worried about what other people will think, or have some ‘shoulds’ or ‘oughts’, ask yourself ‘who says?’
And what will actually happen if you don’t do it everyone else’s way? The answer is usually ‘not much’.
Another idea for changing things is to give your Christmas a theme – for example, you could hold an ‘eco Christmas’ where you waste as little as possible, or a ‘sharing Christmas’ where everyone pitches in, or even a ‘charity donation Christmas’.
Think about ways you can make this transition:
- Buffees instead of huge meals
- Everyone brings something
- Everyone brings their own glasses
- A Secret Santa where you just buy one present for each member of the family
- Going out for a walk instead of a huge drinking session
- ‘Buying’ a grand day out to be used later in the year, instead of shop-bought gifts – we found our elderly parents would much prefer a special day out, than yet more ‘stuff’ they don’t need!
Just remember – the constant messages we see and hear are designed for one thing – to help businesses part you from your cash.
I have a business too – I get it – and there’s nothing wrong with buying a nice gift for someone. Let’s just do it in a way that makes everyone happy.
What are your top tips for a stress-free Christmas?
Check out our Positive and Productive Wellbeing programme for schools. We offer many more coaching tips and approaches to help you manage your time and stress and build a positive mindset. CLICK HERE to check out our web page for more info, or to book.
Or call us for a no-obligation chat on: 07714 855757
or email: info@bright-bird.co.uk
Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports leaders and managers to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a down-to-earth, practical approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.
Your Christmas Coaching Survival Guide...
Top Tips for Avoiding Boiling Frog Syndrome...
Top Tips For Avoiding Boiling Frog Syndrome
By Karen Amos
As we enter this uncertain future, there are plenty of opportunities to change things for the better. We've opportunity to try new ways of working and build new habits. Equally though, there are threats that we'll slip back into old ways, despite the rhetoric and good intentions. After all, change requires effort and after a tough day at work and all the demands of modern life, I don't know about you, but sometimes that extra bit of effort is just too much to ask. (And a nice sit down with a good book is much more appealing...)
This reminds me of the Boiling Frog Syndrome...
This is a somewhat gruesome metaphor where a frog is slowly boiled alive. The premise is that if a frog is put suddenly into boiling water, it will jump out, but if the frog is put in tepid water which is then brought to a boil slowly, it will not perceive the danger and will be cooked to death. ¹ (I did warn you!)
There are several interpretations of this story, but the one that jumped out at me (See what I did there!) is the need to be aware of negative threats that arise gradually, leaving us unaware of the danger until the situation is critical and in many cases, terminal.
This led me to reflect on how this applied in real-life and here are a few thoughts and tips to avoid overcooking our frogs...
Personal Wellbeing...
It’s a strange one isn’t it? We mostly know what is good and not so good for us regarding our wellbeing - whether that’s mental, physical or otherwise - but it’s always an effort to maintain it. Good habits slip and before we know it, we’re stressed out, anxious or fighting the flab and trying to regain lost energy.
Stress and our mental health can be a very slippery slope. We accept one more task, another responsibility, lose another hour’s sleep and without recognising why, we find ourselves in tears, yelling at the kids, or slumped at the laptop wondering how to get through the day.
I’m sure many of you will recognise yourself in at least one of these examples. I train others on this stuff for a living, but it's still a constant battle to stay on track. The problem is that the downward spiral is gradual and mostly painless – until you reach the bottom.
Here are some helpful tips and coaching questions to keep your frog healthy…
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Have a plan
Seems a bit obvious right? But without a plan, you won’t know whether things are going astray until something critical happens to remind you. With a clear plan, you can measure your progress alongside expected outcomes and take corrective action quickly.
This could be a business plan, a marketing plan, or even your own 'get-and-stay-fit' plan.
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Get a sounding board
Whether that’s a coach, mentor, or just a trusted friend or colleague, we all need someone who has our back and who we can check in with, but more importantly someone who will give us some honest feedback and advice. Not only do we need these people, but we need to ensure we plan in non-negotiable time for this checking in, as remember that we don’t recognise the need as the water gets gradually hotter. I always ensure I've people around me with whom I can have that, 'Is it me...?' conversation - in the knowledge that they may well say, 'Yes, actually Karen... this time it is just you!'
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Build in regular wellbeing check-ins:
Boiling frog syndrome is allowed to occur because we simply don't recognise our personal 'Red Flags' until it's too late. We're completely enmeshed in stress and often by then, it's having a huge detrimental impact on our work, life and wellbeing.
One simple way to avoid this slippery slope is to schedule in regular check-ins with ourselves. This could be as simple as scoring your stress levels on a scale of 1-10. Whilst it's a completely subjective and individual approach, it gives you the opportunity to recognise when you need to start taking some remedial action before it's too late. We discuss this much more in our Positive and Productive programme.
So to avoid boiling your frog, ask yourself these useful coaching questions on a regular basis:
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- What are my pressure points right now?
- Is this level of pressure tolerable – if so, for how long before I need to take action?
- Would I think my current situation was acceptable for my friend/colleague/family member?
- What action would I be advising them to take?
- What are my warning signs that something needs to change?
- Is there anything I could STOP doing right now that would actually improve my situation?
- What could I replace this activity with, that would improve my personal wellbeing and that of my business/organisation/education setting?
Remember, we need to ensure we check the ‘water temperature’ regularly. Build this into your diary, perhaps at the start or end of every week – that way you won’t be lulled into inaction by the nice warm water…
If you would like to find out more about how you and your teams can improve their time management and productivity, whilst minimising stress and overwhelm, check out our new Positive and Productive online programme.
For schools
For Business and VCSE organisations
For an informal, no-obligation chat about how we can help you, call us on 07714 855757, or email info@bright-bird.co.uk.
Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports business owners and managers who are feeling the pressure, to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a practical, down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.
Investing in Staff Wellbeing - Can you afford not to?
Investing in Staff Wellbeing – Can you afford not to?
By Karen Amos
The Education Staff Wellbeing Charter is launched this autumn. Whilst few would argue this isn’t needed in the sector, the practicalities of publicly signing up and implementing such a measure can have the paradoxical effect of actually increasing the stress of those charged with the task.
This is a fantastic opportunity to commit to positive steps to improve the working lives of all working in education. The danger is however, that it becomes another ‘bolt-on’ to the day-to-day work. The fact is that for any actions to be truly meaningful, the principles of this charter need to form the bedrock of your setting and define your wellbeing culture.
So what is culture?
Culture can be defined as the guiding beliefs and values evident in the way a school operates. ¹ Put simply, culture is seen in our behaviour, or ‘the way we do things around here’. ²
This is more than just having some pretty graphics of your values on the wall. This is about observable, tangible behaviour. For good or bad, your setting’s culture is determined by how people consistently behave.
In practical terms, this means we have to do much more than just bring cake into the staff room. This is a nice gesture, not a wellbeing support intervention. If you have a team who are stressed out and on the edge, you’re quite likely to make matters worse and risk being told where to shove your cake, if there are no other support mechanisms in place.
The costs of not implementing a wellbeing culture:
Of course there are clear ethical issues why staff wellbeing should be a priority. But there is also a financial and business case for improving wellbeing too.
The latest Education Support Teacher Wellbeing Index survey showed some shocking statistics. If they don’t constitute a crisis in the education sector right now, there should certainly be some very loud alarm bells ringing.
Deliotte’s research highlights the financial impact of the problem. The cost to the Education Sector in 2020 in the UK is £1.1 – 1.5 billion per year. That £1.1-1.5 thousand per education staff per year. Let’s put the ethics aside for a moment and just ask yourself what your setting could do with that money instead? What difference would this make to the outcomes of the children or communities you work in?
There are obvious costs such as sickness absence, but also other less obvious, but equally impactful issues, such as lack of productivity and presenteeism from burnt out or disillusioned staff. And what about the time costs of counselling unproductive, unhappy or unwell staff teams. How much time do you and your team spend each month on these activities, when someone reaches crisis point?
Viewed this way, implementing a culture where staff wellbeing is front and centre should be seen as an investment, not a drain on resources. In fact, Deloitte4 found a clear Return on Investment from implementing wellbeing support in the workplace, with a 10:1 ROI on training.
Also at a time where many schools are struggling to recruit the right calibre of candidates, wouldn’t it be a benefit for your setting to be seen as a ‘go to’ employer?
How to implement a wellbeing culture in a busy setting:
Whilst there is some element of ‘setting up’, a successful wellbeing culture shouldn’t add to your workload and does not have to mean a major financial investment. Here are a few suggestions to get you started:
- Embed wellbeing in training and development – The Education Staff Wellbeing Charter states there is no expectation for managers to provide professional wellbeing support for which they have no professional training, so…
- Consider outsourcing – See this as an investment. How much do you currently spend in staff cover or lost productivity? Consider the business case for bringing in the experts, whether that’s training, resources, or an Employee Assistance Programme.
- Build staff engagement – start with building great conversations in your setting. Not just between managers and their teams, but also between peers. Recent surveys show that 57% of education staff were not confident in sharing unmanageable stress/mental health issues at work. 3 Building trust and understanding are key to positive staff engagement.
Building trust and understanding are key to positive staff engagement – which leads us to…
- Develop a supportive leadership culture – Where people feel supported, not criticised. Using a coaching approach is a fantastic and practically cost-free strategy. This doesn’t mean lengthy 1-to-1 sessions with people, but simply that we have meaningful conversations where leaders are curious and solution-focused.
- Draw up a Wellbeing Strategy – this will support everyone to maintain realistic expectations and standards, including around workload. This doesn’t need to be a huge document. No-one needs another ‘War and Peace’ that never sees the light of day. Just one page with your aims for the coming year and a couple of concrete actions constitute a strategy. This could be as simple as having a realistic workload policy and an effective return to work interview format.
- Develop robust HR procedures and get the right support – This way you can ensure you ‘do the right thing’ by your staff, but also ensure any responses and approaches are proportionate and aligned with your setting’s wider strategy and outcomes. This isn’t about giving in to unreasonable demands or lowering standards, but setting clear expectations and knowing what support you will and won’t give.
The ethical argument in favour of building a wellbeing culture should be obvious, but if implemented, everyone wins. Everyone. The children, the staff, the setting, the community… everyone. What are your next steps?
- Fullan, M., (2007) The new meaning of educational change, Routledge, New York.
- Hawkins, P., (2021) Creating a coaching culture: Developing a coaching strategy for your organisation, Open University Press, UK.
- Education Support Teacher Wellbeing Index 2020
- Deloitte – Mental Health and Employers – Refreshing the case for investment – 2020
If you would like to find out more about how you and your teams can improve their time management and productivity, whilst minimising stress and overwhelm, check out our new Positive and Productive online programme.
For schools
For Business and VCSE organisations
For an informal, no-obligation chat about how we can help you, call us on 07714 855757, or email info@bright-bird.co.uk.
Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports business owners and managers who are feeling the pressure, to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a practical, down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.
What to do when positive thinking isn't enough...
What to do when positive thinking isn't enough...
By Karen Amos
I can’t think of anyone who’s not been challenged in one way or another by the pandemic over this last 9 months. Whilst this has certainly tested many of us in the extreme, this is just one of many challenges life will send our way.
As a result, I’ve been spending a lot of time researching the frequently misunderstood philosophy of Stoicism, which is often misinterpreted as the British ‘stiff upper-lip’, ‘putting up with misfortune’ view of life. In reality, stoicism teaches us a very practical lesson – that in life, circumstances will continue to challenge us, but it is within our gift to decide how we will respond to them.
Here’s a quote by Epicticus:
‘When something happens, the only thing in your power is your attitude towards it. It is not the things that disturb us, but our interpretation of their significance. Things and people are not what we wish them to be nor are they what they seem to be. They are what they are.’
Often coaching is seen as a bit ‘Pollyanna – all in the garden is rosy’, which is why many people (with some justification) cite ‘toxic positivity’ at the relentless ‘just think positive’ messages. In fact coaching at it’s best is nothing of the sort. Tony Robbins has a great approach to this. I paraphrase:
Just relying on a positive thinking alone is like going into your garden and chanting ‘there are no weeds, there are no weeds’, when your garden’s clearly full of weeds. You need to get in there and pull them out!
We need to accept that life is frequently challenging and bad stuff happens. Rather than passively accepting that, drowning in self-misery, or railing against the universe, we need to roll up our sleeves and deal with it. We need to take action that will serve us well.
Here are a few coaching questions to get you started:
- What’s my main challenge here?
- Is there a small, practical action I can take that will serve me better right now?
- What are the costs and benefits of my current approach/attitude? What can I do differently that will move me forward and have a positive effect?
Remember, we’re all human and it’s important to acknowledge our feelings. If something bad happens it’s perfectly natural and healthy to feel down, upset or angry. The problem is that simply dwelling on these feelings and responses will not serve us well, or help our situation. It’s therefore in your gift and best interests to start to coach yourself to a better way forward that will.
If you'd like support for you or your team to reduce stress and build resilience and effectiveness at work, get in touch for an informal, no-obligation chat. Watch out for our NEW Positive & Productive Programme - launching January 2021! Contact us for more details or click HERE.
We offer one-to-one and team coaching and in-house training programmes.
Call us on 07714 855757, or email info@bright-bird.co.uk. Or visit our NEW training pages HERE
Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports under-pressure business owners and managers to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a practical, down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.
Positive & Productive - News about our NEW beta programme!
BREAKING NEWS!
We're delighted to announce our new Positive & Productive online programme - due to commence January 2021!
This programme will bring you all the aspects and content from our existing popular training workshops, including:
- Time Management & Work-Life Balance
- Managing Stress & Building Personal Resilience
- Building Confidence
The programme will consist of a combination of:
- Short recorded webinars
- Workbooks and training resources for each session
- Live, online Q&A's on a variety of subjects
- An online community to share ideas, progress and support
Check out our course leaflet for more information:
SCHOOLS
BUSINESS & ORGANISATIONS
We're bringing this at a special discounted price of £49 per person, so grab your place whilst they're still available.
We are able to offer significant discounts for group bookings - get in touch for a no-obligation quote!
If you'd like to find out more via a no-obligation chat, you can contact us on 07714 855757 or email info@bright-bird.co.uk
To make a booking, complete our booking form HERE
Want to Avoid Catastrophe? Mind Your Language!
Want to Avoid Catastrophe? Mind Your Language!
By Karen Amos
Well, 2020 truly is the gift that keeps on giving! Have you ever wondered though, how some people seem to sail through things easier than others? The reason isn’t usually due to their circumstances, but all about mindset – that is to say, the way they think about or perceive things.
The great thing about our mindset is that we can change it and by doing so, we can change our perception and in turn our experience in life.
Just a quick cautionary note here. Some people are experiencing truly catastrophic events right now; they are suffering the loss of loved ones and failure of businesses they have invested their life savings in. This article isn’t about negating these events – we need to be allowed to freely express our emotions at this time – but rather that our day-to-day language needs to be proportionate and also ‘helpful’ to us.
Mind your language...
The language we habitually use can significantly impact our mindset – negatively or positively. This has never been so crucial as at a time like the one we’re living through. There’s a phrase to describe this as coined by Albert Ellis – ‘AWFULIZING’ – where we perceive or describe a situation as being much worse than it actually is. ¹ I had such an experience in a recent coaching session with a client.
Like many people, my client is working under huge pressure due to the covid situation. They are supporting a team who are dealing with negative changes on a daily, if not hourly basis. What jumped out at me was the language she and the team were using. ‘I had a meltdown,’ and ‘It’s a nightmare,’ were just a couple of examples.
Let’s just examine this for a moment. ‘Meltdown’. ‘Nightmare’. Really? When we started to unpick this, it was obvious that such extreme language was actually adding to the stress and anxiety experienced by both the person saying the words and those hearing it.
Other commonly used catastrophic expressions include:
- I’m overwhelmed…
- It was devastating…
- The situation is terrifying…
- I’m exhausted…
Quite simply, our words generate an emotional response, so catastrophic language leads to heightened arousal levels whereas more ‘neutral’ or ‘positive’ language has the opposite effect.
So what to do?
If you find yourself or others around you using awfulizing, catastrophic, or just plain exaggerated language, there are some useful coaching questions that can help:
- Is this really a ‘disaster’ [insert chosen catastrophic phrase as desired!]?
- Is there a more accurate way to describe this?
- What’s really going on here?
- What’s the evidence telling me?
- What did I actually see, hear, experience?
- Are there any positives here? (There are usually some things that we can take from a situation, however awful – e.g. that you were really challenged, but managed to contain the situation.)
Recognise and Replace...
Using the ‘recognise and replace’ process to build new, more helpful habits and language is an easy and effective way to reduce your stress. You ‘recognise’ that you (or others) have used overly catastrophic or dramatic language, then ‘replace’ this with something more representative of what’s really happened. By doing so, you increase personal resilience and empowerment and decrease stress levels – both for yourself and others.
An example might be:
“This situation is a complete nightmare!”
Becomes…
“Things are really challenging us from lots of angles at the moment. Our resources are stretched and we need to make some tough decisions.”
The latter example leaves people feeling more in control and empowered within their situation. Try it!
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_emotive_behavior_therapy
If you'd like support for you or your team to reduce stress and build resilience and effectiveness at work, get in touch for an informal, no-obligation chat.
We offer one-to-one and team coaching and in-house training programmes.
Call us on 07714 855757, or email info@bright-bird.co.uk. Or visit our NEW training pages HERE
Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports under-pressure business owners and managers to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a practical, down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.
Dare you discuss your work performance?
By Karen Amos
I've just listened to an excellent episode of 'Ramblings' on Radio 4, where Clare Balding discussed mental health in business with an ex-CFO of a FTSE 250 company. He explained how he had experienced depression all his life, but felt he had to hide this in his workplace, as to disclose this would have been detrimental to his career.
He also discussed his lifelong tendency to focus on the negative - something I'm sure most of us have suffered from at some point. A classic example of this is ignoring the 99% positive feedback in your performance review and just hearing the 1% that could have been better.
Whilst there is a difference in the interventions needed to help people who are experiencing mental ill-health, there was a clear acknowledgement that there was a need to discuss areas of concern, performance and difficulties faced in the workplace. This is necessary to proactively prevent mental illness and promote wellbeing and build positive performance.
The assumption is that men find it more difficult to talk about themselves. My experience as an executive and professional development coach however, is that just as many women face the same fears and challenges. Surely, being able to do this should be seen as a strength, but many of my clients will not disclose to others that they are receiving coaching for fear of being perceived as 'weak' or 'under-performing'.
At the end of the programme Clare Balding asked the man if he would have any problem engaging with a sports coach to enhance his performance on the field. Without hesitation he said, 'No'. The implication is that this is seen as a positive move. The question then was, 'Why then are so many people reluctant to seek the same help in the workplace?' That support exists - it's also called a coach!
What's your stance on engaging someone to help your peformance at work? Are you prepared to speak candidly with someone, in confidence about your work performance, or does this feel 'unsafe' for you?
Karen Amos is an executive and professional development coach and training and the owner of BrightBird Coaching & Training. If you'd like to find out more about how Karen can help you and your team to be more positive and productive, get in touch for a no-obligation chat. Call on 07714 855757, or email karen@bright-bird.co.uk