leadership Archives - Page 3 of 4 - BrightBird Coaching and Training

Overwhelm - taking those first steps out of the swamp...

By Karen Amos

The problem with overwhelm is... well, it's overwhelming!

Yes, I realise that's pretty obvious, but if it's really that obvious, why don't we easily sort it out and feel more in control?

Because... yes, that's right - it's overwhelming. The Cambridge dictionary describes overwhelm as 'to be too much to deal with'. (1.) So there you have it - how can you deal with something, which by definition leaves you feeling as if you can't?

Overwhelm sucks us down and dulls our responses and behaviours, sapping your energy and confidence. It's a swamp land for your productivity and wellbeing.

So here's how to deal with the stuff that feels like it's too much to deal with...!

1. Accept there is no 'one-step, easy answer' to overwhelm

Overwhelm means different things to different people, at different times. There are often several contributing factors, each of which compound the other. This is why we can't often find a way through - and why we often don't even know where to start. Acknowledging what's going on for you - and importantly, making a conscious decision to change things for the better is a great start though.

2. If you don't know where to start, start in the easiest place

Because overwhelm then leaves us powerless in its grip, we often do nothing. We don't know what the 'best' thing to do is, or what the solution is. So we do the rabbit in the headlights routine. Often though, just taking one small step can start to lift us out of the swamp. And each step out, increases our capacity to gain control, energy and impetus. So don't wait for the whole solution, just take the one small, easy step you know will lead you in the right direction.

3. Overcome the fear of switching off

Whilst we know we would benefit from taking proper time out, this can actually feel pretty scary when you're under pressure. The problem is that trying to plough through is often counter-productive, leaving us even more exhausted, but the bogeyman of letting go can really hold us in its grip. Rationalising how you will benefit from even a short amount of time out will help you make that decision. Remind yourself for example, how much more productive you will be the next day if you turn off your smart phone and have an early night, or even just finish work at a normal time for once, to go do something nice with your loved ones.

4. Break tasks and activities down

If we see a large, complex or long-term problem, it's hard to know where to even start - and the positive feelings of achievement aren't so easily found as we try to plough our way through. Instead, break your goals/outcomes down into smaller steps that you can tick off frequently. That way you can see your progress and more importantly gain the feelings of satisfaction and control that come with this. This is even true of smaller, personal habits - e.g. saying you're going to do physical exercise/training 3 times a week can seem too much and mean you don't even start. However, saying you'll go to spin class on Monday evening, do a 30 minute run on Wednesday and a long walk at the weekend can much more easily be planned in - and ticked off each day.

5. Get your priorities right

When we feel so overwhelmed with our workload, there's a danger that we end up working on completely the wrong things. These often swing between the jobs (or people) who shout the loudest, or the things that are easiest and least risky. Neither of these necessarily are the right thing though. (And if you think this isn't you, just remind yourself about the times you've ended up doing the dusting rather than tackle a gnarly task! Yeah, of course, we'd all choose dusting as our new favourite hobby right?!) Instead, take a few minutes to check through everything that's going on and ask yourself:

What could and should be dropped off my to-do list (or even completely off my radar) at this point in time?
Are there any quick wins here, that will buy me more time and energy moving forwards?
What's the most important thing here?
What are the things that no-one would really notice if I didn't do?
If I assume I don't have time or energy to do everything that's expected of me, what will I have to put down first?
Where's the 'noise' coming from? Is this legitimately something I should be listening to? If not, how do I tune it out?

If you were only going to do one thing right now, I'd recommend taking a few minutes away to ask yourself some of these questions. Then take one step - just one - that will start to take you in the right direction and lead you out of the overwhelm swamp.

References:

OVERWHELM | meaning in the Cambridge English Dictionary

If you would like to find out more about how you and your teams can improve their time management and productivity, whilst minimising stress and overwhelm, check out our new Positive and Productive online programme.

For schools

For Business and VCSE organisations

For an informal, no-obligation chat about how we can help you, call us on 07714 855757, or email [email protected].

Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports under-pressure leaders and managers to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a practical, down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better wellbeing, leadership, communication and working relationships.

by karena

Workload – Is this the next Emperor’s new clothes?

By Karen Amos

Exhausted. Overwhelmed. Inundated. This is what I’m hearing and seeing around me, from clients, associates and on social media.

There’s too much work to do and too little time to do it in. And yes, there are so many things going on right now, resulting in endless firefighting and over which we have very little control. Vast swathes of staff teams going off sick with various illnesses, of which covid is only one, as an easy example.

I get the feeling of helplessness that goes with this, but can’t help but think there are also many things we CAN do something about, but often don’t.

As we come up to the festive season, this is never more needed. What should for many be a time of holiday and celebration, becomes a source of stress, anxiety and overwhelm.

This is where our mindset comes in.

Working out what we can control or influence and not expending mental and emotional energy on the things we can’t, will ensure we expend our energy in the right way. The good old Stoics and latterly Stephen Covey hit this on the nail.

That’s only part of the story though and I’m on a mission to call this out. I’m going to be the little boy to the Emperor’s New Clothes of workload…

Here are the basic facts of the modern work-life as I see it:

1. We will NEVER complete all of our workload

2. We only have a finite amount of time and energy available to us

So let’s unpick this:

1. We will never complete all of our workload.

We don’t want to think we’re failing, so we try to fool ourselves that one day… one day… we will have ticked all the tasks off on our to-do lists. The fact is that there will always be more that could or should be done. We can always do more, make things better, build on the last job… on it goes.

2. We only have a finite amount of time and energy available to us.

Despite our best efforts there are only 24 hours in a day and you will never have the energy to consistently work huge proportions of this – not if you want to stay well that is! Even if you had 36 hour days, you’d only have a certain amount of energy you could expend.

So this is why I liken workload to the Emperor’s New Clothes. No-one is calling this out. So I am.

If we accept these 2 facts as accurate, we’re left with 2 choices:

1. Accept the inevitable frustration, despair, meltdown and ill health

2. Make a mindshift in how we think about and approach our work

Doesn’t seem possible? Then check out this example:

It’s the Monday, a week before your much needed holidays. All you can think of is getting away and forgetting about work for a week or so. So you have great intentions and have made a list of all the things you’re going to achieve from your to-do list before you go.

By the end of day one, you’ve made very little inroad. In fact, you’ve actually added to your list.

By mid-week, you’re feeling the pressure. You’re nowhere near getting those big chunky pieces of work out of the way and it really doesn’t look like you’ve time to do them before Friday.

By Thursday, you’re starting to cross off some things that ‘can wait’.

By Friday, you’re crossing off most things, deciding they’re probably not that vital and guess what? For many of them, you’ll never even add them back onto your list when you return!

Which just goes to prove that much of the issue isn’t about WHAT we’ve got to do, it’s WHAT OUR ATTITUDE IS to what we’ve got to do.

Of course, there are many tools and techniques we can effectively use to manage our time and workload. I teach many of these in my training programmes, but the fact is, these alone will not solve your workload issues.

For example, I’d always advocate that people use lists to help lighten your cognitive load amongst other things. The problem is that if we don’t approach what we put on our lists with the right mindset, we’ll find ourselves writing them on kitchen rolls they’ll be that long.

Let’s face it, none of us are going to be on our death bed saying, ‘At least I got to the end of my to-do list!’

The solution to this I believe, lies in having better quality conversations – with ourselves, our managers and our teams. A conversation that says, ‘OK, this work has just landed and I’m already at or over capacity with my workload.’

What do I need to do myself?
What do I need to be saying to others?

Here are some coaching questions to get you started:

If I accept it’s impossible to get to the bottom of my to-do list – what needs to happen to ensure I can still do a good job and stay well?
What if my wellbeing was as important as getting my jobs done?
How can I work more collaboratively with others in a way that helps everyone?
How can I work more efficiently?
What happens when I prioritise my work better?
What should my response be if someone comes to me with more work?

One of the things we can say could be to our managers, at what ever level. Easier said than done in some cases I admit, but what if we were to say, ‘I’m already at capacity. Can you help me work out what I can do and when?’

I’m not saying this is always the case, but I confess that on occasions in the past, I have been that manager. The one who was so overwhelmed that when another tranche of work came in, I did a ‘dump and run’ on my team.

The result? An over-worked and disgruntled team and myself, feeling like I’d sold my values down the river.

The thing is that the solution doesn’t necessarily mean appointing more staff – although how can we ever present a valid business case if we don’t acknowledge what’s there? Often though, more staff aren’t needed, just the right support, training and advice and some better communication.

In order to truly change things for the better we need to own up. To shout out if our workload isn’t possible, as there will never be a positive change if we don’t.

If you would like to find out more about how you and your teams can improve their time management and productivity, whilst minimising stress and overwhelm, check out our new Positive and Productive online programme.

For schools

For Business and VCSE organisations

For an informal, no-obligation chat about how we can help you, call us on 07714 855757, or email [email protected].

Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports business owners and managers who are feeling the pressure, to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a practical, down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.

by karena

Top Tips for Avoiding Boiling Frog Syndrome...

Top Tips For Avoiding Boiling Frog Syndrome

By Karen Amos

As we enter this uncertain future, there are plenty of opportunities to change things for the better. We've opportunity to try new ways of working and build new habits. Equally though, there are threats that we'll slip back into old ways, despite the rhetoric and good intentions. After all, change requires effort and after a tough day at work and all the demands of modern life, I don't know about you, but sometimes that extra bit of effort is just too much to ask. (And a nice sit down with a good book is much more appealing...)

This reminds me of the Boiling Frog Syndrome...

This is a somewhat gruesome metaphor where a frog is slowly boiled alive. The premise is that if a frog is put suddenly into boiling water, it will jump out, but if the frog is put in tepid water which is then brought to a boil slowly, it will not perceive the danger and will be cooked to death. ¹ (I did warn you!)

There are several interpretations of this story, but the one that jumped out at me (See what I did there!) is the need to be aware of negative threats that arise gradually, leaving us unaware of the danger until the situation is critical and in many cases, terminal.

This led me to reflect on how this applied in real-life and here are a few thoughts and tips to avoid overcooking our frogs...

Personal Wellbeing...

It’s a strange one isn’t it? We mostly know what is good and not so good for us regarding our wellbeing - whether that’s mental, physical or otherwise - but it’s always an effort to maintain it. Good habits slip and before we know it, we’re stressed out, anxious or fighting the flab and trying to regain lost energy.

Stress and our mental health can be a very slippery slope. We accept one more task, another responsibility, lose another hour’s sleep and without recognising why, we find ourselves in tears, yelling at the kids, or slumped at the laptop wondering how to get through the day.

I’m sure many of you will recognise yourself in at least one of these examples. I train others on this stuff for a living, but it's still a constant battle to stay on track. The problem is that the downward spiral is gradual and mostly painless – until you reach the bottom.

Here are some helpful tips and coaching questions to keep your frog healthy…

Have a plan

Seems a bit obvious right? But without a plan, you won’t know whether things are going astray until something critical happens to remind you. With a clear plan, you can measure your progress alongside expected outcomes and take corrective action quickly.

This could be a business plan, a marketing plan, or even your own 'get-and-stay-fit' plan.

Get a sounding board

Whether that’s a coach, mentor, or just a trusted friend or colleague, we all need someone who has our back and who we can check in with, but more importantly someone who will give us some honest feedback and advice. Not only do we need these people, but we need to ensure we plan in non-negotiable time for this checking in, as remember that we don’t recognise the need as the water gets gradually hotter. I always ensure I've people around me with whom I can have that, 'Is it me...?' conversation - in the knowledge that they may well say, 'Yes, actually Karen... this time it is just you!'

Build in regular wellbeing check-ins:

Boiling frog syndrome is allowed to occur because we simply don't recognise our personal 'Red Flags' until it's too late. We're completely enmeshed in stress and often by then, it's having a huge detrimental impact on our work, life and wellbeing.

One simple way to avoid this slippery slope is to schedule in regular check-ins with ourselves. This could be as simple as scoring your stress levels on a scale of 1-10. Whilst it's a completely subjective and individual approach, it gives you the opportunity to recognise when you need to start taking some remedial action before it's too late. We discuss this much more in our Positive and Productive programme.

So to avoid boiling your frog, ask yourself these useful coaching questions on a regular basis:

- What are my pressure points right now?
- Is this level of pressure tolerable – if so, for how long before I need to take action?
- Would I think my current situation was acceptable for my friend/colleague/family member?
- What action would I be advising them to take?
- What are my warning signs that something needs to change?
- Is there anything I could STOP doing right now that would actually improve my situation?
- What could I replace this activity with, that would improve my personal wellbeing and that of my business/organisation/education setting?

Remember, we need to ensure we check the ‘water temperature’ regularly. Build this into your diary, perhaps at the start or end of every week – that way you won’t be lulled into inaction by the nice warm water…

¹ Boiling frog - Wikipedia

If you would like to find out more about how you and your teams can improve their time management and productivity, whilst minimising stress and overwhelm, check out our new Positive and Productive online programme.

For schools

For Business and VCSE organisations

For an informal, no-obligation chat about how we can help you, call us on 07714 855757, or email [email protected].

by karena

Investing in Staff Wellbeing - Can you afford not to?

Investing in Staff Wellbeing – Can you afford not to?

By Karen Amos

The Education Staff Wellbeing Charter is launched this autumn. Whilst few would argue this isn’t needed in the sector, the practicalities of publicly signing up and implementing such a measure can have the paradoxical effect of actually increasing the stress of those charged with the task.

This is a fantastic opportunity to commit to positive steps to improve the working lives of all working in education. The danger is however, that it becomes another ‘bolt-on’ to the day-to-day work. The fact is that for any actions to be truly meaningful, the principles of this charter need to form the bedrock of your setting and define your wellbeing culture.

So what is culture?

Culture can be defined as the guiding beliefs and values evident in the way a school operates. ¹ Put simply, culture is seen in our behaviour, or ‘the way we do things around here’. ²

This is more than just having some pretty graphics of your values on the wall. This is about observable, tangible behaviour. For good or bad, your setting’s culture is determined by how people consistently behave.

In practical terms, this means we have to do much more than just bring cake into the staff room. This is a nice gesture, not a wellbeing support intervention. If you have a team who are stressed out and on the edge, you’re quite likely to make matters worse and risk being told where to shove your cake, if there are no other support mechanisms in place.

The costs of not implementing a wellbeing culture:

Of course there are clear ethical issues why staff wellbeing should be a priority. But there is also a financial and business case for improving wellbeing too.

The latest Education Support Teacher Wellbeing Index survey showed some shocking statistics. If they don’t constitute a crisis in the education sector right now, there should certainly be some very loud alarm bells ringing.

Deliotte’s research highlights the financial impact of the problem. The cost to the Education Sector in 2020 in the UK is £1.1 – 1.5 billion per year. That £1.1-1.5 thousand per education staff per year. Let’s put the ethics aside for a moment and just ask yourself what your setting could do with that money instead? What difference would this make to the outcomes of the children or communities you work in?

There are obvious costs such as sickness absence, but also other less obvious, but equally impactful issues, such as lack of productivity and presenteeism from burnt out or disillusioned staff. And what about the time costs of counselling unproductive, unhappy or unwell staff teams. How much time do you and your team spend each month on these activities, when someone reaches crisis point?

Viewed this way, implementing a culture where staff wellbeing is front and centre should be seen as an investment, not a drain on resources. In fact, Deloitte⁴found a clear Return on Investment from implementing wellbeing support in the workplace, with a 10:1 ROI on training.

Also at a time where many schools are struggling to recruit the right calibre of candidates, wouldn’t it be a benefit for your setting to be seen as a ‘go to’ employer?

How to implement a wellbeing culture in a busy setting:

Whilst there is some element of ‘setting up’, a successful wellbeing culture shouldn’t add to your workload and does not have to mean a major financial investment. Here are a few suggestions to get you started:

Embed wellbeing in training and development – The Education Staff Wellbeing Charter states there is no expectation for managers to provide professional wellbeing support for which they have no professional training, so…
Consider outsourcing – See this as an investment. How much do you currently spend in staff cover or lost productivity? Consider the business case for bringing in the experts, whether that’s training, resources, or an Employee Assistance Programme.
Build staff engagement – start with building great conversations in your setting. Not just between managers and their teams, but also between peers. Recent surveys show that 57% of education staff were not confident in sharing unmanageable stress/mental health issues at work. ³ Building trust and understanding are key to positive staff engagement.

Building trust and understanding are key to positive staff engagement – which leads us to…

Develop a supportive leadership culture – Where people feel supported, not criticised. Using a coaching approach is a fantastic and practically cost-free strategy. This doesn’t mean lengthy 1-to-1 sessions with people, but simply that we have meaningful conversations where leaders are curious and solution-focused.
Draw up a Wellbeing Strategy – this will support everyone to maintain realistic expectations and standards, including around workload. This doesn’t need to be a huge document. No-one needs another ‘War and Peace’ that never sees the light of day. Just one page with your aims for the coming year and a couple of concrete actions constitute a strategy. This could be as simple as having a realistic workload policy and an effective return to work interview format.
Develop robust HR procedures and get the right support – This way you can ensure you ‘do the right thing’ by your staff, but also ensure any responses and approaches are proportionate and aligned with your setting’s wider strategy and outcomes. This isn’t about giving in to unreasonable demands or lowering standards, but setting clear expectations and knowing what support you will and won’t give.

The ethical argument in favour of building a wellbeing culture should be obvious, but if implemented, everyone wins. Everyone. The children, the staff, the setting, the community… everyone. What are your next steps?

Fullan, M., (2007) The new meaning of educational change, Routledge, New York.
Hawkins, P., (2021) Creating a coaching culture: Developing a coaching strategy for your organisation, Open University Press, UK.
Education Support Teacher Wellbeing Index 2020
Deloitte – Mental Health and Employers – Refreshing the case for investment – 2020

If you would like to find out more about how you and your teams can improve their time management and productivity, whilst minimising stress and overwhelm, check out our new Positive and Productive online programme.

For schools

For Business and VCSE organisations

For an informal, no-obligation chat about how we can help you, call us on 07714 855757, or email [email protected].

by karena

Dealing with the Curse of Perfectionism - and the Cure of Good Enough

The Curse of Perfectionism - and the cure of Good Enough

by Karen Amos

In my line of work, I have the privilege of meeting many people from all walks of life, albeit virtually nowadays. In doing so, it’s easy to pick up themes. Here’s one – January was tough.

The end of January is always a difficult time. It’s towards the end of the winter when we get the fatigue. When the long nights go on forever and we’re starved of sunlight and to compound it all, we’ve been locked in.

I work with schools and I know many parents of school-aged children. There have been numerous fractious exchanges between these two groups, which is almost inevitable when you consider the pressure everyone is under. And that's the key to it – it’s about the pressure. When we feel under pressure, we naturally go into self-preservation mode.

There has been huge pressure on teachers, who are not only dealing with uncertainty, but also trying to juggle online and face-to-face learning with concerns and follow-ups of children in their care, not to mention the politics, with a large and small 'P'.

In the meantime, parents have suddenly had the pressure of trying to hold down jobs whilst working from home and managing the almost impossible expectations of home-schooling.

I’ve posted about the philosophy of Stoicism since the new year. Here’s the thing – everyone just wants to do a good job. Sometimes though, we have to accept that ‘least worst’ is the best on offer. In doing so, we have to simply accept what is. That’s not defeatist by any stretch - it’s pragmatic and allows you to give yourself permission to just do what’s ‘Good Enough’. By good enough, I mean good enough in the context of the circumstances in which you find yourself.

The concept of ‘Good Enough’ has its roots in child development and parenting and latterly in social work, then also in software and systems design. But there’s a message for all of us in there…

‘Perfection is the enemy of action.’

Magnifying shortcomings and failures, just leads to disappointment and grows, resulting in guilt, anger and blaming. ‘This isn’t right, ergo someone must be at fault.’

Whilst being Good Enough Parents to our children, how about being Good Enough Parents to ourselves? Let’s set out reasonable expectations in advance and not expect more of ourselves than we would of others – or indeed, not expecting more of others than is reasonable.

Here are some helpful coaching questions to take a stoical, 'Good Enough' approach to life:

What could I achieve today in order to think, 'Yes, that was good enough'?
What would I tell my friend was good enough if they were in my position?
What are the consequences if I do this to a good enough, rather than perfect standard?
- What will I gain?
- What will this cost me?
What's the most important thing to achieve today?

Above all, Good Enough is about being kind - to yourself and others. After all, there are always plenty of challenges in life, so why make things any harder?

If you'd like support for you or your team to reduce stress and build resilience and effectiveness at work, check out our online Positive and Productive training programme for BUSINESS & VCSE orgs or SCHOOLS.

For an informal, no-obligation chat call us on 07714 855757, or email [email protected]. Or visit our NEW training pages HERE

Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports under-pressure business owners and managers to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a practical, down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.

by karena

What to do when positive thinking isn't enough...

By Karen Amos

I can’t think of anyone who’s not been challenged in one way or another by the pandemic over this last 9 months. Whilst this has certainly tested many of us in the extreme, this is just one of many challenges life will send our way.

As a result, I’ve been spending a lot of time researching the frequently misunderstood philosophy of Stoicism, which is often misinterpreted as the British ‘stiff upper-lip’, ‘putting up with misfortune’ view of life. In reality, stoicism teaches us a very practical lesson – that in life, circumstances will continue to challenge us, but it is within our gift to decide how we will respond to them.

Here’s a quote by Epicticus:

‘When something happens, the only thing in your power is your attitude towards it. It is not the things that disturb us, but our interpretation of their significance. Things and people are not what we wish them to be nor are they what they seem to be. They are what they are.’

Often coaching is seen as a bit ‘Pollyanna – all in the garden is rosy’, which is why many people (with some justification) cite ‘toxic positivity’ at the relentless ‘just think positive’ messages. In fact coaching at it’s best is nothing of the sort. Tony Robbins has a great approach to this. I paraphrase:

Just relying on a positive thinking alone is like going into your garden and chanting ‘there are no weeds, there are no weeds’, when your garden’s clearly full of weeds. You need to get in there and pull them out!

We need to accept that life is frequently challenging and bad stuff happens. Rather than passively accepting that, drowning in self-misery, or railing against the universe, we need to roll up our sleeves and deal with it. We need to take action that will serve us well.

Here are a few coaching questions to get you started:

What’s my main challenge here?
Is there a small, practical action I can take that will serve me better right now?
What are the costs and benefits of my current approach/attitude? What can I do differently that will move me forward and have a positive effect?

Remember, we’re all human and it’s important to acknowledge our feelings. If something bad happens it’s perfectly natural and healthy to feel down, upset or angry. The problem is that simply dwelling on these feelings and responses will not serve us well, or help our situation. It’s therefore in your gift and best interests to start to coach yourself to a better way forward that will.

If you'd like support for you or your team to reduce stress and build resilience and effectiveness at work, get in touch for an informal, no-obligation chat. Watch out for our NEW Positive & Productive Programme - launching January 2021! Contact us for more details or click HERE.

We offer one-to-one and team coaching and in-house training programmes.

Call us on 07714 855757, or email [email protected]. Or visit our NEW training pages HERE

by karena

Want to Avoid Catastrophe? Mind Your Language!

By Karen Amos

Well, 2020 truly is the gift that keeps on giving! Have you ever wondered though, how some people seem to sail through things easier than others? The reason isn’t usually due to their circumstances, but all about mindset – that is to say, the way they think about or perceive things.

The great thing about our mindset is that we can change it and by doing so, we can change our perception and in turn our experience in life.

Just a quick cautionary note here. Some people are experiencing truly catastrophic events right now; they are suffering the loss of loved ones and failure of businesses they have invested their life savings in. This article isn’t about negating these events – we need to be allowed to freely express our emotions at this time – but rather that our day-to-day language needs to be proportionate and also ‘helpful’ to us.

Mind your language...

The language we habitually use can significantly impact our mindset – negatively or positively. This has never been so crucial as at a time like the one we’re living through. There’s a phrase to describe this as coined by Albert Ellis – ‘AWFULIZING’ – where we perceive or describe a situation as being much worse than it actually is. ¹ I had such an experience in a recent coaching session with a client.

Like many people, my client is working under huge pressure due to the covid situation. They are supporting a team who are dealing with negative changes on a daily, if not hourly basis. What jumped out at me was the language she and the team were using. ‘I had a meltdown,’ and ‘It’s a nightmare,’ were just a couple of examples.

Let’s just examine this for a moment. ‘Meltdown’. ‘Nightmare’. Really? When we started to unpick this, it was obvious that such extreme language was actually adding to the stress and anxiety experienced by both the person saying the words and those hearing it.

Other commonly used catastrophic expressions include:

I’m overwhelmed…
It was devastating…
The situation is terrifying…
I’m exhausted…

Quite simply, our words generate an emotional response, so catastrophic language leads to heightened arousal levels whereas more ‘neutral’ or ‘positive’ language has the opposite effect.

So what to do?

If you find yourself or others around you using awfulizing, catastrophic, or just plain exaggerated language, there are some useful coaching questions that can help:

Is this really a ‘disaster’ [insert chosen catastrophic phrase as desired!]?
Is there a more accurate way to describe this?
What’s really going on here?
What’s the evidence telling me?
What did I actually see, hear, experience?
Are there any positives here? (There are usually some things that we can take from a situation, however awful – e.g. that you were really challenged, but managed to contain the situation.)

Recognise and Replace...

Using the ‘recognise and replace’ process to build new, more helpful habits and language is an easy and effective way to reduce your stress. You ‘recognise’ that you (or others) have used overly catastrophic or dramatic language, then ‘replace’ this with something more representative of what’s really happened. By doing so, you increase personal resilience and empowerment and decrease stress levels – both for yourself and others.

An example might be:

“This situation is a complete nightmare!”

Becomes…

“Things are really challenging us from lots of angles at the moment. Our resources are stretched and we need to make some tough decisions.”

The latter example leaves people feeling more in control and empowered within their situation. Try it!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_emotive_behavior_therapy

If you'd like support for you or your team to reduce stress and build resilience and effectiveness at work, get in touch for an informal, no-obligation chat.

We offer one-to-one and team coaching and in-house training programmes.

Call us on 07714 855757, or email [email protected]. Or visit our NEW training pages HERE

by karena

Want to achieve more? Start at the end…

Want to achieve more? Start at the end...

By Karen Amos

September. Putting aside the nagging feeling I’ve blinked and missed the last 6 months, I’m starting September with a new energy. There’s something about this time of year that smells of new starts and exciting possibilities, no doubt from early conditioning of starting back at school for a new term, with new shoes and fresh unwritten exercise books...

Whatever the reason, it’s a great time of year to utilise all that new-found motivation. The problem is, it’s so easy to lose it again amongst all the ‘chores’ that need doing – both at work and personally. I found myself in such a place this week, feeling overwhelmed with the amount of tasks, appointments and activities in front of me. The issue with overwhelm is that it can stop you in your tracks, or at best leave you highly ineffectual, casting around aimlessly, or immobilised by indecision.

Building Better Habits...

Then I remembered good old Stephen Covey – You know, the ‘7 Habits’ guy! As a coach, one of my favourite habits is ‘Begin with the End in Mind’. The premise is that we first need to create a mental blueprint of what we want to achieve before we physically take action. ¹

Coaching follows the same principle. If you don’t know your destination, how will you know the right actions to take? This is why so many people are unproductive in their work, as they focus on tasks and activity, rather than outcomes. That’s the reason John Whitmore started the coaching GROW Model with ‘G’ for ‘Goal’. We need to first work out where we want to go, then work out how we’re going to do it.²

Start Your Day As You Mean To Go On...

One great habit to get into, is to spend the first 10-15 minutes of your day, planning. That means planning out your day, and also how this fits to your week and the medium to longer term. It’s easy to say you can’t afford the time, but I’d argue that you can't afford not to.

To start the day with no clear plan, means you’re trusting to luck that you’re working on the right things, with no clear measure of whether you’ve been successful or not. You'll inevitably end up bowing to external pressures and losing track. Essentially, you need to train yourself to consistently think strategically about all aspects of your work and business. Strategy shouldn't be something we visit now and again when we've time - it should be the road map with live and work by.

Here are some helpful coaching questions to get you started:

What do I actually need to achieve here?
What’s my outcome for today?
How will I know when I have achieved this?
Is this the most important thing I should be working on?
What’s a reasonable timescale to achieve this?
Who can help me with this?
What other resources will I need?
What are my first steps?

So remember, if you really want to make an impact – begin at the end!

Covey S.R., (2020). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. Simon & Schuster. UK
Whitmore, J,.(2007). Coaching For Performance - GROWing People, Performance & Purpose. 3rd Edition. Nicholas Brealey. London.

If you'd like to create more space and focus in your working life, book in for a FREE Discovery Coaching session. Click HERE to find out more.

For an informal, no-obligation chat about how we can help you, call us on 07714 855757, or email [email protected]. Or visit our NEW training pages HERE

by karena

Bringing your team back into the fold? Try Huddling!

Bringing your team back into the fold? Try Huddling!

By Karen Amos

Through all the uncertainty, there’s a prevailing need to get teams back on track. Whether your teams are working remotely, back in-house or a mixture of the two – no matter, you will need to take considered action to address the current and future challenges. Teams rarely perform well by default.

I’ve written extensively about the benefits of Team Coaching as a powerful, effective tool to address team issues and performance. (Check out my blog Team Coaching - What is it and how can it help?) Whilst this can bring excellent organisational outcomes, it works best over a course of several weeks/months to bring long-lasting change and progress.

So what about Huddles?

Huddles (similar to Scrums in Agile working) are very short, frequent team meetings. The purpose and format can be as flexible as you need it to be, which makes it a perfect tool to bring together geographically dispersed, or new/re-forming teams.

In a previous management role, I was responsible for a diverse and predominantly part-time workforce. The consequence was that some people had no idea what was going on in the organisation on a day-to-day basis, how other projects were progressing and what the implications were on their own work. We set up daily, very time-limited huddles to update everyone, with the intention that people would attend on their working days. It was paperwork-light and people/solution-focused.

Here's our quick guide to Huddling…

What’s the purpose?

'Whatever you need', is the short answer. The general purpose is to have a relatively structured check-in/update for the team on a regular basis. These shouldn’t be confused with team meetings. It’s important to have a clear purpose for your Huddle, or it will just become a ‘talking shop’ or ‘moan-fest’.

Examples could be to:

Have a regular general progress update
Share successes
Identify bumps in the road and seek solutions
Share project critical updates

What are the benefits of Huddling?

Many managers are reporting that they are struggling to find the right amount of contact with their teams. During lockdown, they had contact several times a week with their staff, checking on wellbeing as much as workload and progress. Over time however, many staff are saying they’re fine and don’t need so much contact. This runs the risk of some members becoming isolated.

Here are a few ways Huddles can help:

Help part-timers and staff working from home to be updated and included in what’s going on
Replace the impromptu 'watercooler' conversations that are missing with homeworking
Allow sharing of more subjective information and updates within the team that may not normally be included in more formal communications
Generate team support and understanding – it’s easier to be understanding if you’re dealing with people face-to-face on a regular basis, even if that’s on video calls
Up to date progress reports help shape more responsive actions and build motivation and accountability
Opportunity to share wins as well as challenges

Are there any pitfalls and challenges to Huddles?

Absolutely! As mentioned above, Huddles should not turn into just another talking shop or protracted team meeting. Good facilitation and commitment is needed to ensure consistent attendance, time management and that everyone sticks to the agreed purposes.

In the case of large teams, you may choose to split these to keep the Huddles short. The split could be per project, working days, or just with a diverse mix of staff. Whatever works for you.

We all know that person who hogs the limelight right? If you have someone who regularly takes over, I’d suggest this is objective evidence for a manager to give some constructive feedback in their next one-to-one. This allows opportunity for some coaching on improving communication skills and relationships with the wider team.

There’s also a need for continued commitment from all team members. There are likely to be some people who claim they don’t see the point, but again, this is an opportunity to build a more inclusive and supportive organisational culture. I’d suggest a coaching conversation about what they do need, but also how they can support other people in their team.

Hopefully this has given you a positive tool to bring your staff teams back into the fold. Click HERE if you’d like to find out more about Huddles and some practical ways to implement them.

For an informal, no-obligation chat about how we can help you, call us on 07714 855757, or email [email protected].

by karena

Let's be honest about it... Do you have the courage to say you don't know?

by Karen Amos

There has, rightly I'd say, been criticism of the government and the like, regarding a lack of information. This leads to statements like, 'treating us like children' and people translating the law according to their own preferences.

The problem is, there's probably a lack of credible information to give right now, be this be at a government level, or within a school or businesses. We're living in a high state of uncertainty, which brings anxiety. This naturally leads people to think there's something negative or sinister going on and off we all go...

Nature abhors a vacuum and in my experience, this applies to information too. Create a space and someone will fill it. It doesn't matter if what's filling the space is true, credible, or even helpful - it will get filled. Just check out the tabloids if you've any doubt!

This is an area where Authentic Leadership provides the way forward. Behaviours of Authentic Leaders include honesty and openness. What Bill George calls Relational Transparency – Sharing of thoughts and beliefs with honesty and genuineness – no games or hidden agendas.

This means if you don't know the answer to something, you say so.

Another of the behaviours is the ability to solicit or consider other viewpoints - enlisting the help and resources of those around you to help you find the right path or solution. It's hard to admit we don't know, particularly when we're working in a position of authority, but done well, this will build trust and strengthen teams, not take it away.

If you would like to find out how BrightBird can help you build leadership performance and support your teams to remain positive and productive, get in touch for a no-obligation chat. We offer online 1-to-1 coaching support from senior leadership to front-line staff, group and peer coaching and training/webinars.

Tel: 07714 855757 or email: [email protected]

Check out our latest training offers at: https://brightbird.wordifysites.com/services/training-courses/

Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports business owners and managers to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a practical, down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.

by karena

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