Which difficult conversations ‘type’ are you?

Over the years, I’ve encountered many approaches to managing difficult conversations and I’ve discovered a few recurring ‘types’.

Here are a few.  Let’s see if you recognise yourself or others in here:

• The People Pleaser – This person just wants everyone to be happy.  I mean everyone, all the time.  And what’s wrong with that you may ask?  Well, let’s start with the fact that it’s an impossible task – and frankly not in the control of the People Pleaser at all, particularly when it comes to imparting difficult feedback or news.  It’s quite a burden to bear, taking on the responsibility for other people’s happiness…

Where it goes wrong – Keeping people happy should be a desirable goal, right?  Not if that means the message is watered down to homeopathic levels!  This often means the real message is missed altogether and that the person is left confused as to what’s expected of them.

• The Bad Guy – This person doesn’t hold back and never fears from ‘saying it as it is’, proudly ‘taking one for the team’ and not minding ‘playing the bad guy’.  As a born-and-bred Yorkshire-woman, we’re known for our ‘calling a spade a spade’ approach to life, but the Bad Guy takes bluntness to the limit, diving straight in there, no holds barred!

Where it goes wrong – This is the opposite of the people-pleaser, where the person’s feelings aren’t taken into account at all.  There’s little room for discussion and seeing the other person’s viewpoint, often leaving broken trust and emotional fallout.

• The Avoider – This person is the ultimate procrastinator, forever waiting for the ‘right moment’ and finding that time never comes. The Avoider is often a catastrophic thinker, running through endless horrific scenarios of how the conversation is going to go wrong, even on the smallest issues.

Where it goes wrong – By the time the Avoider gets around to ever having the conversation, things have often moved on and it’s too late to intervene, or matters have wildly escalated – ironically, meaning they can’t avoid the issue after all…

• The Passive-Aggressor – This person doesn’t directly say anything to the person concerned, but drops sarcastic comments and becomes increasingly annoyed when the other person doesn’t take the hint.  Or they may just go about the place in a foul mood, griping about ‘people’ in general, when in fact they mean one person.

Where it goes wrong – There are so many ways this can wreck a team’s confidence.  Firstly, the person concerned is often oblivious the issue is about them.  Everyone else gets a sense of general discontent hanging around like a bad smell, but they’ve no idea why.  Or the person is aware the behaviour is directed at them, but has no idea why (they’re never directly told), leaving them feeling bullied or insecure.