leadership
Want to Avoid Catastrophe? Mind Your Language!
Want to Avoid Catastrophe? Mind Your Language!
By Karen Amos
Well, 2020 truly is the gift that keeps on giving! Have you ever wondered though, how some people seem to sail through things easier than others? The reason isn’t usually due to their circumstances, but all about mindset – that is to say, the way they think about or perceive things.
The great thing about our mindset is that we can change it and by doing so, we can change our perception and in turn our experience in life.
Just a quick cautionary note here. Some people are experiencing truly catastrophic events right now; they are suffering the loss of loved ones and failure of businesses they have invested their life savings in. This article isn’t about negating these events – we need to be allowed to freely express our emotions at this time – but rather that our day-to-day language needs to be proportionate and also ‘helpful’ to us.
Mind your language...
The language we habitually use can significantly impact our mindset – negatively or positively. This has never been so crucial as at a time like the one we’re living through. There’s a phrase to describe this as coined by Albert Ellis – ‘AWFULIZING’ – where we perceive or describe a situation as being much worse than it actually is. ¹ I had such an experience in a recent coaching session with a client.
Like many people, my client is working under huge pressure due to the covid situation. They are supporting a team who are dealing with negative changes on a daily, if not hourly basis. What jumped out at me was the language she and the team were using. ‘I had a meltdown,’ and ‘It’s a nightmare,’ were just a couple of examples.
Let’s just examine this for a moment. ‘Meltdown’. ‘Nightmare’. Really? When we started to unpick this, it was obvious that such extreme language was actually adding to the stress and anxiety experienced by both the person saying the words and those hearing it.
Other commonly used catastrophic expressions include:
- I’m overwhelmed…
- It was devastating…
- The situation is terrifying…
- I’m exhausted…
Quite simply, our words generate an emotional response, so catastrophic language leads to heightened arousal levels whereas more ‘neutral’ or ‘positive’ language has the opposite effect.
So what to do?
If you find yourself or others around you using awfulizing, catastrophic, or just plain exaggerated language, there are some useful coaching questions that can help:
- Is this really a ‘disaster’ [insert chosen catastrophic phrase as desired!]?
- Is there a more accurate way to describe this?
- What’s really going on here?
- What’s the evidence telling me?
- What did I actually see, hear, experience?
- Are there any positives here? (There are usually some things that we can take from a situation, however awful – e.g. that you were really challenged, but managed to contain the situation.)
Recognise and Replace...
Using the ‘recognise and replace’ process to build new, more helpful habits and language is an easy and effective way to reduce your stress. You ‘recognise’ that you (or others) have used overly catastrophic or dramatic language, then ‘replace’ this with something more representative of what’s really happened. By doing so, you increase personal resilience and empowerment and decrease stress levels – both for yourself and others.
An example might be:
“This situation is a complete nightmare!”
Becomes…
“Things are really challenging us from lots of angles at the moment. Our resources are stretched and we need to make some tough decisions.”
The latter example leaves people feeling more in control and empowered within their situation. Try it!
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_emotive_behavior_therapy
If you'd like support for you or your team to reduce stress and build resilience and effectiveness at work, get in touch for an informal, no-obligation chat.
We offer one-to-one and team coaching and in-house training programmes.
Call us on 07714 855757, or email [email protected]. Or visit our NEW training pages HERE
Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports under-pressure business owners and managers to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a practical, down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.
Want to achieve more? Start at the end…
Want to achieve more? Start at the end...
By Karen Amos
September. Putting aside the nagging feeling I’ve blinked and missed the last 6 months, I’m starting September with a new energy. There’s something about this time of year that smells of new starts and exciting possibilities, no doubt from early conditioning of starting back at school for a new term, with new shoes and fresh unwritten exercise books...
Whatever the reason, it’s a great time of year to utilise all that new-found motivation. The problem is, it’s so easy to lose it again amongst all the ‘chores’ that need doing – both at work and personally. I found myself in such a place this week, feeling overwhelmed with the amount of tasks, appointments and activities in front of me. The issue with overwhelm is that it can stop you in your tracks, or at best leave you highly ineffectual, casting around aimlessly, or immobilised by indecision.
Building Better Habits...
Then I remembered good old Stephen Covey – You know, the ‘7 Habits’ guy! As a coach, one of my favourite habits is ‘Begin with the End in Mind’. The premise is that we first need to create a mental blueprint of what we want to achieve before we physically take action. ¹
Coaching follows the same principle. If you don’t know your destination, how will you know the right actions to take? This is why so many people are unproductive in their work, as they focus on tasks and activity, rather than outcomes. That’s the reason John Whitmore started the coaching GROW Model with ‘G’ for ‘Goal’. We need to first work out where we want to go, then work out how we’re going to do it.²
Start Your Day As You Mean To Go On...
One great habit to get into, is to spend the first 10-15 minutes of your day, planning. That means planning out your day, and also how this fits to your week and the medium to longer term. It’s easy to say you can’t afford the time, but I’d argue that you can't afford not to.
To start the day with no clear plan, means you’re trusting to luck that you’re working on the right things, with no clear measure of whether you’ve been successful or not. You'll inevitably end up bowing to external pressures and losing track. Essentially, you need to train yourself to consistently think strategically about all aspects of your work and business. Strategy shouldn't be something we visit now and again when we've time - it should be the road map with live and work by.
Here are some helpful coaching questions to get you started:
- What do I actually need to achieve here?
- What’s my outcome for today?
- How will I know when I have achieved this?
- Is this the most important thing I should be working on?
- What’s a reasonable timescale to achieve this?
- Who can help me with this?
- What other resources will I need?
- What are my first steps?
So remember, if you really want to make an impact – begin at the end!
- Covey S.R., (2020). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. Simon & Schuster. UK
- Whitmore, J,.(2007). Coaching For Performance - GROWing People, Performance & Purpose. 3rd Edition. Nicholas Brealey. London.
If you'd like to create more space and focus in your working life, book in for a FREE Discovery Coaching session. Click HERE to find out more.
For an informal, no-obligation chat about how we can help you, call us on 07714 855757, or email [email protected]. Or visit our NEW training pages HERE
Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports under-pressure business owners and managers to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a practical, down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.
Bringing your team back into the fold? Try Huddling!
Bringing your team back into the fold? Try Huddling!
By Karen Amos
Through all the uncertainty, there’s a prevailing need to get teams back on track. Whether your teams are working remotely, back in-house or a mixture of the two – no matter, you will need to take considered action to address the current and future challenges. Teams rarely perform well by default.
I’ve written extensively about the benefits of Team Coaching as a powerful, effective tool to address team issues and performance. (Check out my blog Team Coaching - What is it and how can it help?) Whilst this can bring excellent organisational outcomes, it works best over a course of several weeks/months to bring long-lasting change and progress.
So what about Huddles?
Huddles (similar to Scrums in Agile working) are very short, frequent team meetings. The purpose and format can be as flexible as you need it to be, which makes it a perfect tool to bring together geographically dispersed, or new/re-forming teams.
In a previous management role, I was responsible for a diverse and predominantly part-time workforce. The consequence was that some people had no idea what was going on in the organisation on a day-to-day basis, how other projects were progressing and what the implications were on their own work. We set up daily, very time-limited huddles to update everyone, with the intention that people would attend on their working days. It was paperwork-light and people/solution-focused.
Here's our quick guide to Huddling…
What’s the purpose?
'Whatever you need', is the short answer. The general purpose is to have a relatively structured check-in/update for the team on a regular basis. These shouldn’t be confused with team meetings. It’s important to have a clear purpose for your Huddle, or it will just become a ‘talking shop’ or ‘moan-fest’.
Examples could be to:
- Have a regular general progress update
- Share successes
- Identify bumps in the road and seek solutions
- Share project critical updates
What are the benefits of Huddling?
Many managers are reporting that they are struggling to find the right amount of contact with their teams. During lockdown, they had contact several times a week with their staff, checking on wellbeing as much as workload and progress. Over time however, many staff are saying they’re fine and don’t need so much contact. This runs the risk of some members becoming isolated.
Here are a few ways Huddles can help:
- Help part-timers and staff working from home to be updated and included in what’s going on
- Replace the impromptu 'watercooler' conversations that are missing with homeworking
- Allow sharing of more subjective information and updates within the team that may not normally be included in more formal communications
- Generate team support and understanding – it’s easier to be understanding if you’re dealing with people face-to-face on a regular basis, even if that’s on video calls
- Up to date progress reports help shape more responsive actions and build motivation and accountability
- Opportunity to share wins as well as challenges
Are there any pitfalls and challenges to Huddles?
Absolutely! As mentioned above, Huddles should not turn into just another talking shop or protracted team meeting. Good facilitation and commitment is needed to ensure consistent attendance, time management and that everyone sticks to the agreed purposes.
In the case of large teams, you may choose to split these to keep the Huddles short. The split could be per project, working days, or just with a diverse mix of staff. Whatever works for you.
We all know that person who hogs the limelight right? If you have someone who regularly takes over, I’d suggest this is objective evidence for a manager to give some constructive feedback in their next one-to-one. This allows opportunity for some coaching on improving communication skills and relationships with the wider team.
There’s also a need for continued commitment from all team members. There are likely to be some people who claim they don’t see the point, but again, this is an opportunity to build a more inclusive and supportive organisational culture. I’d suggest a coaching conversation about what they do need, but also how they can support other people in their team.
Hopefully this has given you a positive tool to bring your staff teams back into the fold. Click HERE if you’d like to find out more about Huddles and some practical ways to implement them.
For an informal, no-obligation chat about how we can help you, call us on 07714 855757, or email [email protected].
Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports business owners and managers who are feeling the pressure, to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a practical, down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.
Let's be honest about it... Do you have the courage to say you don't know?
Let's be honest about it... Do you have the courage to say you don't know?
by Karen Amos
There has, rightly I'd say, been criticism of the government and the like, regarding a lack of information. This leads to statements like, 'treating us like children' and people translating the law according to their own preferences.
The problem is, there's probably a lack of credible information to give right now, be this be at a government level, or within a school or businesses. We're living in a high state of uncertainty, which brings anxiety. This naturally leads people to think there's something negative or sinister going on and off we all go...
Nature abhors a vacuum and in my experience, this applies to information too. Create a space and someone will fill it. It doesn't matter if what's filling the space is true, credible, or even helpful - it will get filled. Just check out the tabloids if you've any doubt!
This is an area where Authentic Leadership provides the way forward. Behaviours of Authentic Leaders include honesty and openness. What Bill George calls Relational Transparency – Sharing of thoughts and beliefs with honesty and genuineness – no games or hidden agendas.
This means if you don't know the answer to something, you say so.
Another of the behaviours is the ability to solicit or consider other viewpoints - enlisting the help and resources of those around you to help you find the right path or solution. It's hard to admit we don't know, particularly when we're working in a position of authority, but done well, this will build trust and strengthen teams, not take it away.
If you would like to find out how BrightBird can help you build leadership performance and support your teams to remain positive and productive, get in touch for a no-obligation chat. We offer online 1-to-1 coaching support from senior leadership to front-line staff, group and peer coaching and training/webinars.
Tel: 07714 855757 or email: [email protected]
Check out our latest training offers at: https://brightbird.wordifysites.com/services/training-courses/
Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports business owners and managers to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a practical, down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.
Do you trust your team...? If not, why not?
Do you trust your team...? If not, why not?
By Karen Amos
I reflected in a previous post how the current Covid-19 situation seems to have brought out the best and worst in people and never more so than in the behaviour of leaders, managers and businesses/organisations. We’ve had the whole spectrum, from unkind, exploitative and selfish behaviour at one extreme, to altruistic, brave and compassionate behaviour at the other.
In the last few weeks, I’ve seen plenty of examples of both, often in the same sectors. For example, schools who send tons of homework out, expecting staff to provide evidence of planning and marking and sending ‘strongly worded’ communications to staff, parents and pupils alike when deadlines aren’t met. On the other hand, there are the school leaders who have prioritised the welfare of the children and their families over ‘outputs’, leading from the front and doing whatever it takes to ensure people in their communities are OK during this time.
There are also the organisations and businesses who insist on checking up on their staff, expecting detailed daily and weekly reporting, just because people are working from home. Those who expect detailed timesheets to account for people’s working time. Alternatively, there are the leaders who have the conversation with their teams that say, ‘How are things for you right now? What do you need from us to make this work for you?’ – and actually listen to and act on the answers.
In essence, this comes down to a matter of trust. I often ask a question of business owners and managers – ‘Why do you continue to employ someone that you don’t trust to do a good job?’ My view is that we should do one of two things:
1. Create the environment your employees need to thrive and do what they do well.
2. Or if there’s a performance/attitude issue, get some advice and go down the capability/disciplinary route – and/or seriously think about evaluating how robust your recruitment systems are.
If you feel you can't trust your teams, then it's time for you as a leader to take action. Ask yourself, 'What's going on here?', 'What's the root cause of this problem?' and be prepared to take action - remembering that you may actually be the problem. Time to work out how you can be the boss you'd like to have.
If you would like to find out how BrightBird can help you build leadership performance and support your teams to remain positive and productive, get in touch for a no-obligation chat. We offer online 1-to-1 coaching support from senior leadership to front-line staff, group and peer coaching and training/webinars.
Tel: 07714 855757 or email: [email protected]
Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports business owners and managers to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.
Herding Cats – Or the Art of Building Responsibility and Accountability
Herding Cats – Or the Art of Building Responsibility and Accountability
By Karen Amos
There’s been a theme for many of my clients recently – that of how to build effective responsibility and accountability in their teams and organisations.
It’s easy to point the finger of blame when things go wrong, but we need to be clear on our own levels of responsibility and accountability before we expect others to do the same. It’s interesting how many managers complain about feckless or inconsiderate behaviour within teams, yet have never clearly defined their own, or their team’s expectations regarding the alternative. Or often, and possibly worse, have subconsciously imposed different standards of behaviour for themselves versus that of others. Quick check: If you find yourself saying, ‘Yes, but….’ when questioned about this, you can be sure you’re part of the problem!
Building a coaching culture within organisations is a highly effective way to increase personal and collective responsibility and increase ownership and clarity around accountability. It’s often (incorrectly) seen as a ‘soft’ approach to leadership and management, to be side-lined if performance management or the ‘hard word’ is needed.
I believe this completely misses the point of what coaching is.
A coaching approach, used properly, will be the most challenging, yet effective solution to team performance for managers and staff alike. It works equally well through both informal and formal management interventions – indeed it should run through all your communications with people like the proverbial stick of rock.
The reason for this effectiveness is the emphasis on doing ‘with’ not ‘to’ your staff. Whilst it’s easy to lecture and give the ‘hard word’, this all too frequently leads to the other person feeling victimised and powerless, which quickly leads to teams taking no responsibility for solving the issue. Let's face it, it's much easier to say your boss is a right so-and-so, rather than face up to the fact you didn't do your job right! Coaching on the other hand, requires all parties to contribute to solving the issue. This puts ownership right where it belongs.
An example of this was seen through an executive coaching client of mine (names and details removed to preserve confidentiality). He was despairing of a long-standing member of his team who wasn’t performing, missing targets and despite several ‘discussions’ was on the verge of formal performance management procedures. Upon examination, my client when asked, couldn’t tell me the reason for the person’s performance issue, so this became the first step in his new approach, which included using coaching skills to elicit from the member of staff what they thought the solution could be.
It’s important to remember that coaching doesn’t ignore standards, organisational strategies, goals and targets. Rather it works within these to come up with alternative solutions to enable people to perform at their best.
The outcome of the situation with my client was that he did commence formal capability proceedings, but was actually thanked for his support by the member of staff, who had a clear action plan they felt they could own and implement. Importantly, they were now taking full responsibility for their own actions, but were empowered by feeling they were in control of this.
Here are a few coaching questions to help you and your team explore and build responsibility and accountability:
- What’s my responsibility here and what am I accountable for and to whom?
- Does my team/manager know and agree with this?
- Are my team clear about who is responsible and accountable for each piece of work they do?
- Are people as involved as they can be regarding agreeing responsibilities? Do we instruct, or consult regarding this?
- Do we have agreed check in points to review how this is going?
If you would like to find out more about how BrightBird Coaching and training can help you and your team to develop more accountability and responsibility, please contact us for a no-obligation chat. We offer short workshops, to multi-day training and 1:1 and team coaching.
Check out our latest Effective People Management Programme HERE.
Tel: 07714 855757 or email: [email protected]
Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports business owners and managers to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.
Never knowingly letting facts stand in the way of a good assumption….
Never knowingly letting facts stand in the way of a good assumption….
By Karen Amos
I’ve had a couple of similar experiences this week with clients and associates. They’ve reported situations where they, or people working for or with them, were becoming upset and anxious about certain issues.
There was one core theme – everyone was guessing how everyone else felt and what they thought about the situation. It’s amazing – and as a coach, I come across this all the time – people behave like they have some sort of innate psychic ability. Except that if they did (spoiler alert: they don’t!), they really shouldn’t go splashing out on too many lottery tickets as they don’t seem to be very good at it!
One of the huge benefits to having a coach is that you have access to someone skilled in ‘reality checking’. As is often the case, this sounds simple, but it’s really not. Think about it. Any misunderstanding around a situation is usually because the parties involved aren’t on the same wavelength – they don’t share the same reality as the other person. There are innumerable reasons for this, but they include:
- Not recognising our own feelings
- Not recognising the other person’s feelings
- Not having access to all the information
- Working to different timescales
…and the list goes on.
Obviously, this lack of information leaves gaps – and we don’t like gaps, as they make us feel insecure – so we try to fill them. The way we do this is usually through making assumptions. Of course it’s Janet’s fault that you feel nervous about attending the meeting she’s chairing, because she clearly doesn’t care about your feelings…
A coach is able to bring a fresh perspective through the use of questions, that help clarify, not what’s going on, but what’s REALLY going on. Sometimes this can be tough, as let’s face it, it’s much easier to blame Janet for chairing rotten meetings that make you nervous, rather than admit the reality that you never seem to have the time to properly prepare for them. Knowing what’s REALLY going on, means you can then start to find a solution to the issue. Maybe you need to stop assuming Janet knows how you feel and ask for some support. Maybe you need to re-prioritise your workload to allow time to prep for meetings so you’ve opportunity to shine and show off your achievements…
Here are a few useful coaching questions when you find yourself in a difficult situation:
- What’s going on here?
- What’s REALLY going on here?
- What’s the root cause of my problem – is it something I can control?
- Does the other person know I’m experiencing this problem?
- What do they think about this?
- What’s the reason for their behaviour?
And most important of all…
- What’s my evidence to prove this?
Once you’ve started to make sense of your reality, you can then take positive steps to improve your communication without the hang-ups that often hold us back - and perhaps even pack away that crystal ball...
If you’d like to find out more about how coaching can help you, contact Karen Amos at BrightBird Coaching and Training to book your free discovery session. Karen will help you to explore the issues and challenges you’re facing and how you can overcome these.
Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports business owners and managers to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.
Contact: [email protected] / 07714 855757
Dare you discuss your work performance?
By Karen Amos
I've just listened to an excellent episode of 'Ramblings' on Radio 4, where Clare Balding discussed mental health in business with an ex-CFO of a FTSE 250 company. He explained how he had experienced depression all his life, but felt he had to hide this in his workplace, as to disclose this would have been detrimental to his career.
He also discussed his lifelong tendency to focus on the negative - something I'm sure most of us have suffered from at some point. A classic example of this is ignoring the 99% positive feedback in your performance review and just hearing the 1% that could have been better.
Whilst there is a difference in the interventions needed to help people who are experiencing mental ill-health, there was a clear acknowledgement that there was a need to discuss areas of concern, performance and difficulties faced in the workplace. This is necessary to proactively prevent mental illness and promote wellbeing and build positive performance.
The assumption is that men find it more difficult to talk about themselves. My experience as an executive and professional development coach however, is that just as many women face the same fears and challenges. Surely, being able to do this should be seen as a strength, but many of my clients will not disclose to others that they are receiving coaching for fear of being perceived as 'weak' or 'under-performing'.
At the end of the programme Clare Balding asked the man if he would have any problem engaging with a sports coach to enhance his performance on the field. Without hesitation he said, 'No'. The implication is that this is seen as a positive move. The question then was, 'Why then are so many people reluctant to seek the same help in the workplace?' That support exists - it's also called a coach!
What's your stance on engaging someone to help your peformance at work? Are you prepared to speak candidly with someone, in confidence about your work performance, or does this feel 'unsafe' for you?
Karen Amos is an executive and professional development coach and training and the owner of BrightBird Coaching & Training. If you'd like to find out more about how Karen can help you and your team to be more positive and productive, get in touch for a no-obligation chat. Call on 07714 855757, or email [email protected]
Stop the Bus! How to Deal with Overwhelm...
Stop the Bus! How to deal with overwhelm…
By Karen Amos
I was working with someone this week who confided in me that she was feeling completely overwhelmed with work. My response? ‘Stop the bus!’ Well, this gained her attention if only to wonder what on earth I was talking about (particularly seeing as there was no bus in sight) - which was compounded by my next instruction, ‘Turn off the ignition. Now get off the bus!’
Feelings of overwhelm are no stranger to most of us – I include myself in this. Issues and tasks mount up and we become less and less effective, whilst proportionately becoming more and more anxious. It frequently leads us to a complete standstill, or at best, with us tinkering around the edges with minor activities, whilst the important stuff is left unattended.
To be honest, I’ve found myself in just that situation this week, so thought I’d share a few thoughts and strategies on how I’ve dealt with this.
- Stop the bus!
In order to deal with overwhelm, we need to stop the endless cycle of panic, fear and urgency that’s gripping us. We need to recognise these are just feelings – our feelings. They don’t accurately reflect what’s going on in the world around us.
One way to do this is to ‘Stop the ‘overwhelm’ bus’ by literally doing just that – stopping and taking time out to evaluate your situation. ‘Are you joking?’ I hear you exclaim! ‘That’s the point, I can’t take time out and that’s why I’m feeling overwhelmed!’
As I alluded to earlier, we need to check out the reality of this situation. Chances are if we’re feeling overwhelmed, we’re being completely, or at least relatively, inefficient. We aren’t working at our best, or most effective, so looking at it that way, wouldn’t it be a good investment to take at least a couple of hours out to fix the situation, knowing you’ll be back to full capacity when you’ve done so?
However you visualise it, stop your bus, turn it off and get off. Plot out a couple of hours for yourself where you won’t be disturbed, take a change of scenery if that helps, but lift yourself out of that head-down, flat-panic world.
- Work out what’s important
It’s so easy when feeling overwhelmed, to get caught up in tasks and minor activities. This just leads to a vicious cycle of firefighting, where you haven’t a second to look up and take control. As a result, your first task needs to be to identify what are the important, significant issues and goals you should be dealing with.
I’ve just re-visited my 12-week-year planner, to re-focus and remember what I’m actually working towards. Seeing things in a ‘broader-brush’ context is often immediately comforting. If you don’t already have a plan or strategy, just ask yourself, ‘What would I like to see that would make the most difference in 6/12 months’ time?’ and start from there.
- Prioritise
This is a word that’s thrown around like confetti, but let’s face it, if it was that easy we’d already be doing it, right? The problem with overwhelm is that often everything feels like a priority. You feel leaned on and obligated to other people too.
I’ve found there are some great coaching questions to help weed out what’s really a priority. Try a few of these:
- Does this help me achieve my bigger plan/strategy/aims?
- Do I actually need to do this? What will happen if I don’t? (If you’re not sure, try a very informal risk assessment in your head – i.e. What’s the probability and severity or not doing this).
- Is this my priority/issue, or is this really someone else’s?
- If it’s someone else’s, how do I hand this back to them, or help them with this?
- What one thing could I do right now that would make the most difference?
- When do these things actually need doing by? Set some new timescales according to your capacity.
- Is there someone else who can help with this?
- Facing your demons
Just one final thought – I often work with clients who feel overloaded with minor activities and tasks at all levels in organisations. There’s a common theme when we start to drill down though, which is that we often focus on small tasks and activities, as they’re easier and less daunting than tackling the bigger issues.
Again, useful coaching questions would be:
- Being honest myself, is there anything I’m avoiding right now?
- What would I advise someone to do in my position?
Hopefully, you’ve found something useful in there, for you, or a member of your team and can stop your runaway bus or train and embark on a more enjoyable and productive journey.
If you would like to book one-to-one or Team Coaching for your business, organisation or school, or would like an informal, no-obligation chat about how this can work for you, call us on 07714 855757, or email [email protected].
You can book a FREE Discovery Coaching session to experience the benefits of coaching yourself. Find out more HERE.
You can find out more and book using the links below:
Check out our latest training FREE Introduction to Coaching and Essential Coaching Skills Webinars at: https://brightbird.wordifysites.com/book-a-course/
Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports business owners and managers to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a practical, down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.
Helping you move the rug when you’re stood on it – The power of coaching
By Karen Amos
My late and much-missed mentor used to have a brilliant phrase when I was bogged down in work issues – ‘You’re trying to move the rug, but you’re stood on it.’ It's a phrase I now use with many of my clients and the response is usually a resounding, ‘Yes! It’s exactly that!’
Often as a coach, this is exactly what I’m tasked to do – help my clients move that rug. So what’s the rug? It could be anything from managing an overwhelming workload, unpicking the intricacies of team dynamics to enable staff to work effectively, to prioritising which problem or issue to deal with first to develop a robust business. Whatever the scenario, I'm sure you know that feeling of pressure, but not knowing even where to start to resolve things, as every factor seems to depend on other factors for success.
Why can't we just sort this stuff out for ourselves? Basically, it’s due to the plate spinning that’s part of everyday working life. Here’s an example. Clients often come to me to improve their time management and work-life balance. If it was that simple, they wouldn’t need a coach. After all there are any number of books, apps and online videos with a plethora of tips and strategies.
So why is coaching successful when these things often fail?:
1. You need to identify the right issue to work on. If you don’t get to the root cause of the problem, you’ll continue to come back to the same issues. Whilst hints and tips are useful, they only address the symptoms of the problem. To gain lasting change, you need to find out what the real issue is. Using time management as an example, people often come to me to help manage their emails or to-do list, but the root cause could actually be a lack of confidence to say no, or other members of the team not doing their share.
2. Gives you a strategy for success – Once you’ve identified the root cause of the problem, coaching helps you put in place a strategy for the future as you’d choose it to be. Coaching helps you lift your head and gain a clearer picture of what a good solution to your problem would be. Again, an example would be that we would work on confidence, mindset and communication skills to enable you to be able to say no to unreasonable demands and put alternative actions into place.
3. Coach as accountability buddy – It’s easy to give in when the going gets tough isn’t it? We’ve all experienced this at some time or another, whether it’s learning a new language or embarking on a fitness drive. Knowing you’ve a regular meeting with someone who is going to ask about your progress is often a powerful motivator to stick with change, even when you feel like walking away from it all.
4. Independent feedback – Coaches often talk about ‘challenging’ their clients. This really isn’t as confrontational as it sounds, but we are able to question and dig deeper regarding your motives for your actions and also help you to test out scenarios in a safe space. Your coach is there for you only, so I will often ask my clients if it’s ok to give them some feedback on perhaps how they have presented themselves, or their communication skills. Completely independent feedback is often impossible to come by in our work and personal relationships and can be invaluable to help move you to more positive ways of behaving.
5. Walking toolkit – I often describe myself as a walking toolkit for my clients. Through my experience, training and development as a coach, I’ve picked up lots of concepts and tools that can help frame the world differently and bring some clarity and a way forward. This could be everything from decision-making tools, to understanding your personal interactions with others, to leadership approaches. As mentioned above, these aren’t used indiscriminately, but rather are tailored to your individual requirements, saving you having to filter out what you need from the overload of information out there.
Hopefully that’s given you a taste of why coaching can be such a powerful tool - supporting you make positive changes when you really can’t see a way out of the situation. Helping you to move that rug!
Karen Amos is an Executive and Professional Development Coach and owner of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She specialises in supporting managers and business owners to build positive and productive teams, through 1:1 and team coaching and training workshops.
If you would like to find out how BrightBird can help you build your performance and support your teams to remain positive and productive, get in touch for a chat and to book your no-obligation FREE 1-hour Discovery coaching session.
We offer online video 1-to-1 coaching support from senior leadership to front-line staff and also team/group coaching.
Tel: 07714 855757 or email: [email protected]
Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports business owners and managers to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.