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Tips to Make Difficult Conversations Easier

Tips to Make Difficult Conversations Easier...

by Karen Amos

I’ve been thinking a lot about the Difficult Conversations and Leadership training I deliver – particularly how people’s language and mindset affect their success. The usual expectation for this type of training is that if only we could learn a nifty phrase or approach, then we’d smash every difficult conversation, or be that amazing, inspirational leader.

Having an ethical business, I have to be honest and say, unfortunately there’s no such thing.

BUT… Don’t despair!

By being more conscious of our language and mindset through a coaching approach, we can instantly change a ‘difficult conversation’ to… just a ‘conversation’.

How much positive impact would that have on your life, both at work and personally? You need to speak to someone about something and you do. No worry, no dread, no hysterics - and no stress!

Here’s how it works. Let’s take the words ‘Difficult Conversation’. By using the word ‘difficult’, we have already set an expectation – that it’s going to be difficult/problematic/tough/upsetting, etc. This means we approach the situation from a negative or defensive standpoint from the start.

We frequently use the same type of language about people. They’re ‘difficult’, ‘awkward’, ‘a nightmare’ and on it goes. I’m sure you can see how this can taint our approach from the outset and set us on the wrong trajectory.

Now don’t get me wrong – I’m certainly not suggesting that we can magically transform people’s behaviour and attitudes just by changing a word, but you’d be surprised at the difference it can make.

Here are some coaching questions to get you thinking about your own mindset on these issues…

What is it about this conversation that I see as difficult?
What’s my evidence this is correct? Or is this assumption or fear on my part? (NB: there may be objective evidence and you should certainly act on this.)
What would I need to think and feel differently in order to see this situation or person in neutral, or even positive terms? (e.g. If we’ve labelled someone as ‘difficult’, could we perhaps see they’re ‘anxious’, or ‘disliking uncertainty’? Or that we’re ‘helping to solve a problem’?)
What would I lose or risk by changing my current thinking or beliefs about the situation or person?
What could I gain from describing the situation or person in more neutral or positive terms?

If you’d like to develop People Management or Difficult Conversations skills for yourself or your team, check out our latest Autumn training offers below. If you’ve any questions, or would like to discuss alternatives, do get in touch for an informal chat.

Click on the link below to find out more:

For Schools and Education

For Business and Charities

Or why not EMAIL US, or book in an informal chat using the button below. We'll find out about the support you need and provide you with a no-obligation quote.

Karen Amos is an executive coach and Director and Founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports business owners, managers and education leaders to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.

Tel: 07714 855757 or email: karen@bright-bird.co.uk[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

by Rachel Priestley

Tips to Turn a Coaching Approach into your Leadership Superpower

by Karen Amos

I’ve just finished facilitating BrightBird’s latest Effective People Management programme. As with the previous programmes, participants bring along concerns, anxieties and ‘Is it me…?’ feelings around the challenges of managing people.

Interestingly, there are always common themes. Most people come with a sense of frustration of how they can’t just, ‘Get on with the job,’ and a feeling of, ‘Why is this always so difficult?’

This is usually accompanied by some sense of one step forward and two steps back, or feeling that managing people is like trying to nail jelly to a tree.

As a consequence, I find many managers of all levels feel they end up playing a role, rather than being themselves. And it’s not a role they enjoy. It’s often the role of ‘bad guy’ and whilst they’re prepared to step up and do this, it’s not one most of us would choose given an alternative.

My view is that no-one needs to ‘play’ anything. The ‘bad guy’ scenario inevitably leads us down a one-way street, with all concerned doubling down into increasingly entrenched positions. This is difficult if not impossible to step away from and often results in demotivated teams, or even a brain drain from your organisation.

I genuinely don’t believe working life needs to be so difficult – for managers and employees alike.

That’s why I’m on a mission to improve the quality of working life for everyone.

The problem is, most people in my experience, embark on a management career because they’re great at what they do. I mean, who seriously sets out in their career thinking, ‘I know, I’d love to be the line manager of tons of awkward people!’ Probably the same ones who look up ‘How to herd cats’ on google.

No, the fact is that we usually gain promotion because we’re the expert in our field. The best sales-person, the best teacher, etc., etc. The problem is, no-one told us how to be managers. Very few people are born with an innate ability to lead other people. But it can be learned.

And this is where a coaching approach becomes a bit of a superpower in my experience. I’ve used this approach personally and seen my clients implement this with fantastic results. It’s definitely an approach that sees compound benefits, with exponential growth in performance over a relatively short period of time. On the surface, it’s counterintuitive. Management is about putting the right people in the right place isn’t it? Well, yes… and no. How about seeing successful management as having your people put themselves in the right place?

So where to start? Here are a few tips to improve your coaching leadership style, along with some questions to help build insight into what’s going on for you.

1. Listen – I mean really listen. Listening isn’t about waiting for your turn to speak, or jumping in to close down the other person half way through a sentence.

Ask yourself – How would my peers and team members rate me as a listener?

2. Understand – Only when we’ve listened will we understand the other person’s viewpoint. The challenge is to show them we understand – even when we don’t agree with them!

Ask yourself – How often do I find myself or the other person saying some variation of, ‘Yeah, but…’ in my conversations? (This is a classic sign of a lack of understanding being demonstrated.)

3. Collaborate – It’s not your responsibility as a manager to solve everything on your own. That’s why you have a team and why it’s important to know who is responsible and accountable for what.

Ask yourself – Do I feel I’m carrying a burden of responsibility that other people don’t share in my team and how can I share this more equally?

4. Challenge – There are many types of challenge, but I like to call a coaching approach ‘challenge with a small ‘c’’. This doesn’t mean going out of your way to make people uncomfortable, or being on some kind of power trip. Instead, it means not accepting everything at face value and using coaching questions to explore and promote personal responsibility and accountability.

Ask yourself – Do I feel that members of your team are tying me in knots, or I come out of conversations wondering what just happened? If so, how can I be more enquiring in my conversations to find out more?

5. Problem solve – Coaching at its heart, is a problem-solving approach. You want something better and have a plan on how to get there. This is a gift for any effective manager to get the right results.

Ask yourself – Do my team get bogged down in problems and look to me to solve them, or do they naturally seek solutions themselves? If it’s the former, what can I do to enable them to problem-solve naturally?

Hopefully, you’ve now a few pointers to begin to develop your coaching leadership style.

If you’d like to learn more about how to take a coaching approach to Managing Difficult Conversations and people management, we’ve just launched our Summer 2024 public courses.

Click on the link below to find out more:

For Schools and Education

For Business and Charities

Or why not EMAIL US, or book in an informal chat using the button below. We’ll find out about the support you need and provide you with a no-obligation quote.

Tel: 07714 855757 or email: karen@bright-bird.co.uk

by Rachel Priestley

Why it's not normal to be happy - and what you should do instead...

by Karen Amos

I’ve been doing a lot of reading recently – around happiness. Actually, that’s not exactly true – I’ve been reading about how so many of us have drunk the ‘happiness Kool Aid’ and ironically, find ourselves miserable that we’re failing at happiness. As an occasionally grumpy, middle-aged Yorkshire woman, I find this fascinating.

Recent publications, such as Bad Therapy, The Antidote and The Anxious Generation are showing that for many of us, modern living standards have never been better, yet increasing numbers of young people and adults find themselves so unhappy they resort to therapy, including medication. The question surely is, if this is such an effective cure, why are people still unhappy?

Many years ago I was a student nurse. There are many stand outs from my training, good and bad, but one that changed my life was a sentence uttered by a lecturer on Mental Health…

‘The most you can expect is to be reasonably content most of the time.’

That’s it. And it profoundly changed the way I viewed my world and my expectations. To the extent that I am – reasonably content most of the time. So to that lecturer, wherever you are – thank you.

This may seem a bit lack-lustre for a coach, I admit. After all, aren’t we meant to be uber positive and seeking Nirvana-like states of happiness and success? Well some are I guess, but not me. I’m about doing.

Don’t get me wrong, I do believe there is a right time to seek therapy. I refer clients to specialist therapists if I find we’re addressing something that’s out of my area of expertise. In fact, I have sought counselling on occasions at certain points in my life and regularly use psychoanalytical models with my clients to help them make sense of their world.

But there is a danger in rumination. We won’t make ourselves or others resilient to the pressures of life by constantly going over the past and looking inwards.

So what is the answer?

I believe the answer lies in a stoical approach to coaching. This isn’t the ‘British stiff upper lip’ version, but the true version of Stoicism that says…

In life, circumstances will continue to challenge us, but it is within our gift to decide how we will respond to them.

Often coaching is seen as a bit ‘Pollyanna – all in the garden is rosy’, which is why many people (justifiably) call out, ‘toxic positivity’ at the relentless ‘just think positive’ messages. In fact coaching at its best is nothing of the sort. Tony Robbins has a great approach to this. I paraphrase:

Just relying on positive thinking alone is like going into your garden and chanting ‘there are no weeds, there are no weeds’, when your garden’s clearly full of weeds. You need to get in there and pull them out!

We need to accept that life is frequently challenging and bad stuff happens. Rather than passively accepting that, drowning in self-misery, or railing against the universe, we need to roll up our sleeves and deal with it. We need to take action that will serve us well.

My clients know I’m always going to come around to some version of this question…

‘So what are you going to do about it?’

That’s it – you want something to change – go change it! And if it’s not in your control to change it? Then work out what you’ll do to deal with that.

Here are a few coaching questions to get you started:

What’s my main challenge here?
What small, practical action I can take right now that will serve me well?
Is trying to fix this, worth the energy and time?
Is there anything I need to accept isn’t in my control? And what will I do to focus my energies elsewhere?

Remember, we’re all human and it’s important to acknowledge our feelings. If something bad happens, it’s perfectly natural and healthy to feel down, upset or angry. The problem is that simply dwelling on these feelings and responses will not serve us well, or help our situation. It’s therefore in your gift and best interests to start to coach yourself to a better way forward that will.

If you’d like to learn more about how to take a coaching approach to Managing Difficult Conversations and people management, we’ve just launched our Summer 2024 public courses.

Click on the link below to find out more:

For Schools and Education

For Business and Charities

If you would like to find out more about BrightBird’s 1-to-1 and team coaching, check out our web pages using the links below:

For Business

For Education

For Charities

Or why not EMAIL US, or book in an informal chat using the button below. We'll find out about the support you need and provide you with a no-obligation quote.

Further reading:

Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren't Growing Up - By Abigail Shrier. Publisher: Sentinel

The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness - By Jonathon Haidt. Publisher: ‎Allen Lane

The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking - By Oliver Burkeman. Publisher: Vintage

Happy: Why More or Less Everything Is Absolutely Fine - By Derren Brown. Publisher: Corgi

Tel: 07714 855757 or email: karen@bright-bird.co.uk

by Rachel Priestley

5 Tips to Help You Switch Off From Work

By Karen Amos

I see a lot of posts on social media about people who find they can't switch off during the holidays. Is this you? Whether you're going away somewhere or having a break at home, the feeling that your long awaited holiday is finally here, but your mind's whirring like a machine and all you can think about is how many jobs there are to do when you get back - if not before!

As a note of reassurance here, you're not alone. The pace of the working week can seem relentless. For some the 'end of the (working) day' never really comes, particularly with the advent of home-working. This means we're living in an 'Always On' state of high arousal levels and stress.

In simple terms, this means rather than your adrenaline response shutting off, allowing your stress to ebb and flow naturally, your brain has its foot on the gas pedal and keeps it there. This response is supposed to be fleeting - just long enough for you to get yourself out of imminent danger. In the case of workplace stress, it can remain in place. For months sometimes. This leaves your body and brain unable to simply flick the switch to turn off the response, even though it's not needed any more.

So what to do? Here are a few tips and coaching questions to help train your brain to lift its foot off your stress gas pedal, so you can work and rest productively. Remember, the aim isn't to solve all of these in one go. No point ending up more stressed out by trying to fix your stress levels! Instead, pick one area and take one small action at a time...

Tip #1:

See time off as an investment - Explore and clarify to yourself how you will be more productive if you take time off to rest, whether that's for an evening, a weekend or a holiday. Set out clearly what you would gain - naming it makes all the difference, then you know what you're aiming for.

Tip #2:

Make a list of everything that needs to be done - Include everything, big or small. This allows you to stop worrying that you’ve forgotten something and allows you to stop spinning those mental plates. Remind yourself you can add any jobs, when they come into your head as you go along.

Tip #3:

Prioritise what needs to be done – Do a reality check and ask yourself - Is this thing possible? – is it essential? – Also ask yourself what would happen if this wasn’t completed before the end of the month, or if you were off sick? Chances are most of these tasks will be less 'urgent' and 'important' than you feel they are right now. Where you can, block out things into a basic timescale or planner.

Tip #4:

Switch off your media – This means no checking in on emails and social media. Give yourself a digital detox and if you find this makes you anxious or you have such strong ingrained habits to pick up your phone, put your phone or laptop out of reach at least for a short while.

Tip #5:

Find something practical to do – If you engage in a practical activity, you're more likely to be distracted from the anxious feelings, at least for a while. Get outdoors for some exercise. Not only is this a great stress-buster, it will also help you to sleep. Whether it's indoors or outdoors, book activities in that you enjoy and revel in that restorative distraction. Why not catch up with friends and family too? Having a laugh and talking with others is a great distraction. Just stick to those positive people in your life and avoid the 'joy stealers'!

Hopefully, these will help you set some positive habits and ensure you have some quality time off so you're well-rested and on top of your game when you return to work. In the meantime, here's wishing everyone a positive and productive month, no matter what you have planned!

Find out about our training courses and coaching using the links below:

For Schools and Education

For Business and Charities

Or why not EMAIL US, or book in an informal chat using the button below. We'll find out about the support you need and provide you with a no-obligation quote.

Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports business owners and managers who are feeling the pressure, to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a practical, down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.

by karena

Want to be a coaching manager? Here's the magic ingredient...

By Karen Amos

I’m feel fortunate that there are lots of managers who are tuning into in how coaching can help them and their teams.

It’s probably no surprise that I firmly believe coaching can completely transform the behaviour, mindset and performance of teams in the workplace. In fact, I more than believe it, I’ve seen the results for myself.

The thing is in our ever-busy working lives, time is at a premium, so many people are looking for a magic ingredient that will turn them into a coach. The magic ingredient that means they can start to reap the benefits.

As a result, I thought I’d bring in a quick reality check around expectations and what you CAN do, to be a great coaching manager.

Let’s start off with a few of the ‘myths’ I encounter…

Myth 1 – Reading a coaching book will turn me into a great coach

Myth 2 – Getting a coaching qualification will turn me into a great coach

Myth 3 – Going on a coaching course will turn me into a great coach

Actually, all of the above will help. The bad news however, is that reading a book, getting a qualification, or going on a course will never turn you into an amazing coaching manager overnight.

In order to coach, you need to learn the skills and techniques to ask great coaching questions, along with other tools. But here’s the challenge…

If you don’t actually DO anything differently – if you never practice these techniques and skills, nothing will change.

I had an acquaintance who bought every self-help book known to human-kind – or so it seemed! The problem is none of it changed her life in the slightest. Does this mean the books didn’t work? Not at all. The fact is, not only did she rarely get past the first chapter, she never put any of her learning into practice – and if she did, not consistently.

So unfortunately you won’t be able to become a better coach through a process of osmosis, where learning will radiate off your bookshelf, or training course and magically transform you into the coach you’d like to be.

If these don’t work – what does?

This means getting out of your comfort zone. Walking the walk as a manager. Trying at least one approach, or question very consciously even once a day.

If you’re about to think, ‘Yeah, but it’s not that simple…’, then I would ask you to look inwards. I’m guessing you want to start coaching to help people change, to improve their performance. If that’s the case then we need to walk the walk as managers and leaders. Ask yourself, ‘should I be expecting people to change, do things differently and get out of their comfort zone, if I’m not prepared to do so myself?’

Another thing to consider is to build coaching conversations into your daily interactions. Any conversation with another person has the potential to be a coaching conversation. It involves listening and understanding the other person’s point of view, with a healthy dose of curiosity to explore what’s really going on and help them find their own solution to any problems.

Remember that coaching isn't about feeling clever whilst you fire lots of 'challenging' questions at someone. At it's heart, it's about great communication - taking the time to listen, understand and helping the other person work out a solution.

So go on, give it a go!

Coaching Question:

What one step could you put in place today to help you improve your coaching and communication skills?

If you’d like to know more about how our fully-interactive coaching skills courses can help you implement a coaching approach in your workplace, check out our coaching skills for managers mini-programmes. There's NO HOMEWORK and NO ROLEPLAY! Just lots of practical tools, approaches, discussion and practice, so you can put your learning into place straight away.

For schools and education settings

For business and organisations

Or check out our great value in-house training options:

For schools and education settings

For business and organisations

Or call us: 07714 855757

or click HERE to book in a short, no-obligation chat

Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports leaders and managers to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a down-to-earth, practical approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.

by Rachel Priestley

3 reasons your team may be resistant to change – and what you can do about it!

By Karen Amos

I’ve been busy delivering the ‘Managing Change’ session from my Effective People Management programmes these last few weeks. This is definitely one of those subjects that at first glance seems easy, but is a veritable Russian doll when you start to unpack it.

I recall times throughout my career where change has been well implemented and accepted, indeed embraced by teams and many more times when I’ve just emitted an inward (and sometimes outward) groan when informed of yet another new strategy/change/initiative [delete as appropriate]. On that note, isn’t it strange what a word so positive as ‘initiative’ can invoke such an energy dump in a different context?

Whilst the vast majority of change is instigated with positive intentions – i.e. to make things better – it can so quickly invoke a negative response and be the cause of low staff morale and even increase staff turnover if handled badly.

Here are 3 reasons you may be experiencing resistance to change from your team (or even personally) and a coaching perspective on how to address this…

1. Your team doesn’t understand why the change is necessary

This is about supporting your team to understand the reason behind the change. There’s an understandable filter that takes place where information is cascaded down an organisation and people in less senior roles are, often rightly, given less detail than people who are more senior. I do think we need to treat people as the adults they are though. To paraphrase Nietzsche, the person with a ‘why’ can tolerate almost any ‘how’.

Solution:

Consider the perspectives and experience of your team. It’s easy to forget as a leader that we have much more information and control than those we manage. An honest appraisal, including the benefits of the changes and the consequences of not taking this course of action will always be appreciated. Over time, your teams will accept you’re trustworthy and there’s no game playing going on. Remember, if there is sensitive information you can’t share, be honest about that too.

2. People don’t feel involved or listened to

In the midst of all the activity in implementing a new change, time to discuss, consult and more importantly, listen can come a poor second. Remember that as manager and leader, you naturally have much more control and usually knowledge, about the change. It’s easy to forget that your team don’t share this.

Solution:

Hold regular check-ins with your team and allow people to voice their concerns. It’s understandable that you may not want to seek this out, lest it turn into another ‘moan-fest’, but hearing people out and giving information where needed will prevent people from lagging behind, or at worst being so engaged they decide to leave the organisation altogether.

3. Your people have ‘change fatigue’

Have you ever stopped to consider that change just seems to be a permanent fixture of working life? Lots of my clients comment that there’s never a pause to take a breath and reflect and let the changes embed. It’s either one change, then straight into another, or what’s more usual, multiple changes going on at the same time. It can be hard for teams and indeed ourselves as leaders, to truly evaluate what the impact of the change is. With this comes a sense of never quite achieving an end result, leading to frustration and low motivation.

Solution:

Ensure you consult with your team to build in mini-goals and celebrate progress and ‘wins’ throughout the change process. Where possible, give people a project, or part of a project to own and champion, in a way that plays to their strengths and things they enjoy if possible. That way, they can have more autonomy and also see they’ve played a clear part in achieving the overall goal. Whilst it’s not always possible, be conscious of implementing multiple changes and reduce these where possible to allow new ways of working to embed themselves, even for a short time. This will then be assimilated into your organisation’s culture and people will be more enthused for the next change.

I hope that helps with a little food for thought regarding change in your setting or organisation.

If you’d like to know more about how we can support your leaders and teams with 1-to-1 or team coaching, or would like to discuss our in-house live, online leadership programmes, you can:

Email us at: info@bright-bird.co.uk

Or call us: 07714 855757

or click HERE to book in a short, no-obligation chat

by Rachel Priestley

Introducing coaching at work when you don't have time

By Karen Amos

‘Coaching’s great, but I don’t have time to coach my teams’. This is a statement I frequently encounter when introducing coaching as a management and leadership approach. I would argue that in the long run, utilising coaching will actually save time, reducing the amount of frequent, small questions to be fielded and building a culture of personal responsibility.

Let’s be clear, we aren’t talking about managers and leaders being coaches in the same way I work as a professional development coach. There are many reasons why managers can’t just sit down for a dedicated 1-to-1 session with someone, time being just one of these. What we are talking about is managers and teams taking a Coaching Approach to their interactions with each other.

Here are a few quick tips to help you begin to develop your coaching approach:

Listen and show understanding – How often do we interrupt someone, or merely wait for them to take a breath, so we can astound everyone with our superior knowledge? I’m sure it’s something we’re all guilty of at some point. The first stage in being an effective coaching leader is to listen – I mean really listen.

Tip - One way of checking you’ve understood correctly and demonstrating this to the other person is to paraphrase at the end of their explanation. Try something like, ‘So what you’re saying is…’ If you get it right, they’ll feel understood. If you get it wrong, they’ll correct you. Win-Win!

Begin with the end in mind – Good old Stephen Covey embedded this concept in his 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, and with good reason. Whilst coaching can be and is reflective, its main focus is on what we want to achieve. Focusing on the solution, rather than the problem.

Tip – Ask, ‘What do I want to achieve here,’ or, ‘What would a good outcome look like,’ to avoid getting caught up in the details of what’s going wrong and indulging in yet another moan-fest.

Ask not tell – This is a key factor in coaching – Asking powerful questions. This is not giving advice – e.g. ‘why don’t you do xyz instead?’, or telling people what to do. This approach is all about asking meaningful, open questions that move the person on to look at the options open to them so they can make a constructive decision.

Tip – There are an endless supply of questions that can be used in coaching. A few examples would be things like:

o What’s really going on for you right now?

o What are the main barriers that are in your way?

o If you could do anything you wanted, what action would you take?

o What would your wisest friend do in this situation?

Foster personal responsibility – Don’t ‘fix’ – Following on from asking powerful questions, an effective coaching manager will ensure they allow their staff space to work out and try their own solutions. This can be scary initially, particularly when someone wants to resolve things in a way you wouldn’t choose. Of course, you’ve got to weigh up the risks here – this certainly doesn’t mean you throw caution to the wind if someone is proposing to embark on some highly risky endeavour. Allowing people to choose their own course of action is extremely motivating though and will result in them taking more autonomy and personal responsibility for finding their own solutions.

Tip – If you find yourself wanting to ‘fix’ someone, stop and consciously ask them what they think they should do. Questions like, ‘What are the main sticking points for you here?’ and ‘What do you think you can do about this?’ are great ways to hand responsibility back to the person.

Hopefully you’ll find these useful on your journey to embedding coaching in your day to day interactions. One final tip is not to try all of these at once. Identify one area you could improve and set out some conscious intentions to work on this in your interactions with a member of your team. That way you’ll start to get into the coaching habit!

Check out the links below to find out more about our latest coaching-based training courses and programmes. We also offer individual and team coaching on leadership, interpersonal, communication and performance matters.

For schools and education settings

For business and organisations

Or call us: 07714 855757

or click HERE to book in a short, no-obligation chat

by karena

3 Reasons Everyone Needs a Coach

By Karen Amos

As Bill Gates said… ‘Everyone needs a coach.’ And who am I to argue? I mean, the lad’s done OK for himself hasn’t he?

As a coach, I’m often asked, ‘Do you have a coach?’ The answer is, ‘Yes, I have several coaches.’

I have coaches for various aspects of my life and work, depending on what I need. For example, I have a long-standing coach supervisor who supports and challenges me to improve my own practice as a coach. I’ve also had business and personal coaches at critical points.

I’m writing this blog, as I had a realisation this morning I needed more coaching. This time it’s for physical fitness. Some of you may know I had a hip replacement in the spring. It was successful and I’m now getting my life and mental wellbeing back, being able to walk up my beloved mountains and get the space, peace and exercise I so need. (Even though I do spend a disproportionate amount of time asking myself what on earth I was thinking, when finding myself on a steep slope in the pouring rain!)

So back to my fitness coaching. Most people understandably assume that as a coach myself I’m hyper-motivated all the time and know all the nifty coaching techniques to successfully coach myself to whatever goal I choose. Which is kind of true, but here’s the problem – I’m only human.

That being human means that sometimes I can be a bit defeatist and even, dare I say it, a bit lazy. Yep, let’s face it, we all have our excuses ready from time to time don’t we?

To quote another famous sleb, ‘You can have what you want, or you can have your excuses.’ That one’s from good old Arnie and again, he seems to have done OK for himself too!

“YOU CAN HAVE WHAT YOU WANT OR YOU CAN HAVE YOUR EXCUSES”

So, with all that in mind, I’ve called my gym coach to discuss returning to paying her to allow me to complain, swear and turn into a sweaty mess for a couple of hours a week – otherwise known as gym classes.

Now, I have all the equipment at home and knowledge of training routines to crack on and get my fitness up to scratch again, so why don’t I just do that? Well, the same reasons I would recommend a coach for anyone at work, applies to me too.

1. Challenge

Your coach, whether that’s a leadership, fitness, business or any other type of coach, will push you out of your comfort zone. That ‘un-comfort’ zone is where the change that needs to happen, does happen.

Let’s stick with fitness as an example – you start off with great intentions, but within a very short space of time, you revert back to what’s comfortable. That’s just human nature – it’s how we’re wired – but to get meaningful change we have to enlist someone who’s going to challenge us. This is vital, whether that’s to do that extra set of reps with the weights, or to make that scary decision we’ve been putting off.

The important thing about challenge in coaching is that it’s done with positive intentions and to serve the agenda and goals of the coachee. This isn’t about the coach getting off on how uncomfortable they can make their clients. Any old dictator can do that!

2. Mindset

This goes along with the challenge. A good coach will help you envisage a step-up bigger than you would normally take yourself. They don’t take ‘no’ for an answer and will help you build a positive, can-do, growth mindset, not based on wishful thinking, but on affirmative, tangible action and results.

In short, a good coach helps you get out of your own way.

3. Accountability

Commitment makes or breaks success. Doing something once, however well will not bring you lasting success (even if that one thing is buying a winning lottery ticket. With the wrong mindset, you’ll have blown it in no time). As the US coach Tony Robbins describes, we need to take small, consistent steps to maintain lasting change.

Working with another person is a fantastic way to help build personal accountability. This is particularly true if you’re a senior leader or business owner, or even if you’re doing something for you, such as starting a new fitness programme.

The fact is, stating an intention out loud, particularly to someone whom you respect, means you are much more likely to follow through on your actions. Let’s face it, none of us like to be proved wrong, or wanting do we?

Additionally, paying for this means we feel we have personally invested something. We have skin in the game. It’s an uncomfortable fact, but this is why ‘free’ programmes often fail and have much fewer participants at the end. There’s just not enough investment personally from the participants. Not enough to lose. This way, we’re much more likely to dig deeper – if you’re a born and bred Yorkshire woman like me, you’ll always want to get your money’s worth! This inevitably means better results.

So the question is, how and from whom can you get the right level of challenge, positive mindset and accountability?

Hopefully that’s given you some insights into why all good coaches have coaching. Why not give it a go? After all, think of how much you could gain…

Check out the links below to find out more about our latest coaching-based training courses and programmes. We also offer individual and team coaching on leadership and performance matters.

For schools and education settings

For business and organisations

Or call us: 07714 855757

or click HERE to book in a short, no-obligation chat

3 Reasons Everyone Needs A Coach

by karena

Challenge or opportunity? You decide...

By Karen Amos

As a small business owner, I don’t always have the luxury of lots of spare capacity or fall-backs when things quickly change. Such a thing happened recently when one of my support team decided to take up a new job opportunity. Whilst I’m gutted to be losing a key support, I do understand their reasons for moving on and wish them every success. Inevitably though, this still caused pressures within my business.

After my initial OMG moment, feeling like I should be a model for a Munch painting, I remembered what I did for a living, gave myself a shake and put my coaching hat on. This helped me to re-frame the situation and ask myself:

Is there another way to see this?

It was hard not to focus solely on the multitude of upcoming challenges - our brains are wired to concentrate on perceived dangers, so that's our default setting. Once I'd named what was going on, there were also many positive opportunities for my business that I might otherwise not considered. These included building future capacity, re-prioritising my offer to clients, revisiting my pricing policy and many others. It’s easy to just go with the flow, particularly when things are going well, rather than giving things a bit of a shake up. Let’s face it, who doesn’t like a bit of comfort zone now and again - again, we can thank our brain for this - keeping us out of danger and seeking safety.

It's so easy for businesses and organisations to just grow organically in response to our market or circumstances, in good times and bad, but now and again we need a good reason to go back to the drawing board.

I would just like to add this isn’t about being all Pollyanna about things. As a slightly grumpy, middle-aged Yorkshire woman, Pollyanna isn’t my default setting I can assure you! As good old Tony Robbins says, ‘There’s no point standing in the garden chanting “There are no weeds, there are no weeds” when you’re surrounded by freaking weeds! The only thing that will help is to roll up your sleeves and pull them up!’

So let’s start to see the challenges as practical opportunities for change and getting out of our comfort zone and make the most of things!

If you’re struggling with a challenge or change, ask yourself the following coaching questions:

What are the opportunities, or positives in this challenge?
Is there a way to slow things down a little to create some thinking space?
If so, what are the priority things and what can I put down?
If I was starting from scratch here, what would I choose to do?

Have you turned a challenge into an opportunity recently? Let’s share the positive mindset!

If you’d like to find out how our 1-to-1 and team coaching programmes and training can help you get ‘unstuck’ and move forward this year…

Check out our website: www.bright-bird.co.uk

Call us: 07714 855757

or click HERE to book in a short, no-obligation chat

by Rachel Priestley

Feeling overloaded? The solution might not be less work...

By Karen Amos

I’ve just had a couple of interesting sessions with clients, exploring how to create capacity within their organisation and their life in general. Many of us know the feeling of being up to, if not over capacity and the stress, pressure and often anxiety this brings. It’s almost a fact of modern working life - that feeling there’s just no wriggle room and that you daren’t even think about what happens if one more thing goes wrong, or there’s a bout of sickness or a resignation.

I’m a coach not a magician, so I can’t manifest time that doesn’t exist – although it wouldn’t be a bad superpower would it? What I can do often feels a little magical though in the turn-around it brings people, but there’s no woo-woo involved – I simply help my clients find clarity.

Often when I start working with clients, particularly around any ‘Time Management’ type issues, they expect me to do the usual, ‘Prioritise your tasks… delegate…, etc., etc.’ There's very much a time and a place for these tools and I frequently use these along with other time management techniques, this usually isn’t my starting point.

The fact is that most time management issues stem from a mindset issue. This is a kind of good news/bad news situation though.

The bad news is that this means the root of the problem lies with how you view it, so no blaming other people for your problems. You know, the whole, 'My boss is so mean to me' routine. A bit harder to do when you're self-employed mind.

The good news is that simply changing how we think, can completely transform our situation.

When I work with my clients, we look at what’s going on… then look at what’s REALLY going on! That’s the key to coaching – getting right down to the root cause of the problem. We often find this too difficult to do on our own, as we’re viewing the world through a filter of our emotions, values, experiences and expectations. A good coach will help you work out exactly what your pressure points are and also your priority outcomes. (Hint – we often confuse activity with outcomes and these really, really are not the same thing!)

One of the questions I often ask my clients is:

What would change if you accept the fact there will always be too much to do in any given day/ week/ month/ year?

Along with:

What would you do differently if you believed your wellbeing and happiness was just as important as everyone else’s?

By asking these types of questions, I can bring a fresh pair of eyes for my clients, helping them make decisions and create the space they need to work on the stuff that really counts. So to paraphrase that paragon of Stoic philosophy, Marcus Aurelius, the difficulty is often not what's going on around us, but our response to this.

If you'd like to find out how our 1-to-1 coaching programmes can help you get 'unstuck' and move forward this year...

Call us: 07714 855757

or click HERE to book in a short, no-obligation chat

by Rachel Priestley

coaching

Tips to Turn a Coaching Approach into your Leadership Superpower

3 Reasons Everyone Needs a Coach

“YOU CAN HAVE WHAT YOU WANT OR YOU CAN HAVE YOUR EXCUSES”

1. Challenge

2. Mindset

3. Accountability

3 Reasons Everyone Needs A Coach

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