Building confidence in difficult conversations starts with understanding why we feel awkward in the first place. This article shares two simple techniques to help you address tricky issues directly, without undermining your message or your relationships.
One of the main difficulties people encounter in managing difficult conversations is the embarrassment we feel at raising the issue, or indeed the worry we’re going to embarrass the other person.
As a result, we find ourselves skirting around the issue, or trying to ‘soften’ the message in some way.
The problem with this approach is that we either worry the person more, or risk undermining our message.
That said, there is a balance to be struck – between addressing the issue directly and also keeping open good 2-way communication and buy-in from the other person. This is why I don’t believe in teaching a ‘script’ for difficult conversations in my training courses – the answer lies in learning how to have good ‘conversations’, no matter what direction they take.
Here are a couple of tips to help make conversations that bit easier – and more effective as a result:
1. Get to the point!
Don’t hedge around the issue by asking how the person’s day has gone, or what their weekend was like. If they’ve just had a tough day, or are even just feeling under the weather, you’re going to be side-tracked from your issue and may find it impossible to raise the original point. Remember, the reason we usually take this approach, is to put off the inevitable embarrassment or awkwardness of having the conversation in the first place. Which leads us to…
2. Name your feelings…
If you feel awkward, or embarrassed about raising a difficult issue, then if possible and appropriate, say so. Getting this out of the way at the beginning of a conversation means you don’t have to pretend otherwise and you also come across as being more human. Additionally, you’re giving the person a heads up that there’s a potentially difficult message incoming and they might find this challenging also.
An example would be saying, ‘I have to confess, I feel a bit uncomfortable about raising this with you, but I want to speak to you about…’
I’ve found from experience that my clients have had some immediate and positive results and found lots more confidence by trying these approaches. Let us know how you get on!
If you’d like to develop People Management or Difficult Conversations skills for yourself or your team, click on the link for your sector below, to check out our latest training offers.
Don’t hedge around the issue by asking how the person’s day has gone, or what their weekend was like. If they’ve just had a tough day, or are even just feeling under the weather, you’re going to be side-tracked from your issue and may find it impossible to raise the original point. Remember, the reason we usually take this approach, is to put off the inevitable embarrassment or awkwardness of having the conversation in the first place. Which leads us to…
2. Name your feelings…
If you feel awkward, or embarrassed about raising a difficult issue, then if possible and appropriate, say so. Getting this out of the way at the beginning of a conversation means you don’t have to pretend otherwise and you also come across as being more human. Additionally, you’re giving the person a heads up that there’s a potentially difficult message incoming and they might find this challenging also.
An example would be saying, ‘I have to confess, I feel a bit uncomfortable about raising this with you, but I want to speak to you about…’
I’ve found from experience that my clients have had some immediate and positive results and found lots more confidence by trying these approaches. Let us know how you get on!
If you’d like to develop People Management or Difficult Conversations skills for yourself or your team, click on the link for your sector below, to check out our latest training offers.
Coaching and Training at BrightBird
At BrightBird, our coaching and training is practical and very human.
It’s about real conversations, real challenges and meaningful progress.
If you’re curious about our coaching and training support, even if you’re not sure what you’re quite looking for yet, then check out the support we offer your sector, or click the link to book an informal, no-obligation chat.
If you’re curious about our coaching and training support, even if you’re not sure what you’re quite looking for yet, then check out the support we offer your sector, or click the link to book an informal, no-obligation chat.
