coaching questions Archives - BrightBird Coaching and Training

Changing Mindsets to Workload and Wellbeing...

by Karen Amos

As a coach, I never ascribe to the ‘one size fits all’ approach to professional development. But this can cause a problem when it comes to staff training. Wellbeing and Time Management training is a classic example. Every person in the room will have their own challenges and their own reasons for that challenge. Short of engaging a legion of 1-to-1 coaches (or whatever the collective noun for coaches is!), how can you possibly give everyone what they need?

We’ve solved this problem with our coaching approach to wellbeing and time management. By using a coaching approach, teams obtain the tools and resources to coach themselves and change mindsets.

So how does this work?

Here’s an example:

We work on the basic facts of working life. To be frank, they’re not exactly fluffy-bunny and hearts and roses. Here’s one:

There will always be too much to do on any given day/week/term/year…

OK, that sounds a bit depressing, but the fact is, this is exactly the stuff that most people know, but pretend isn’t so. This is the equivalent of sticking our fingers in our ears and loudly singing ‘la la la’ in the hope it will all go away.

With a coaching approach however, we face the issue. Coaching encourages people to face the reality of their situation, which then brings an inevitable question...

So now what…?

And this is where again a coaching approach comes in. By using open questions and other tools, people can work out their options and a solution that suits them as individuals.

Here's an exercise you can try...

One approach is to work out which bits on your list are your sole responsibility and where you might be taking responsibility for other people and their stuff. Simply listing this on a piece of paper can aid thinking and conversations and help you and your team members gain clarity. This means you're clear on who's work is who's and can plan exactly who is going to do what.

Best of all, a coaching approach always has a commitment to action running through it. Without that, teams inevitably indulge in a moan-fest and change is just wishful thinking. This also helps line managers to have better quality conversations with their teams afterwards, giving you much more impact for your investment of time, or in the case of training, money.

That's why all our training at BrightBird is based on a coaching-based approach. This gives much more longevity and value for money, by equipping teams with a toolkit they can put into practice straight away and will be applicable to their individual needs.

Check out the information below for more details and costs of how we can help you and your teams.

If you’d like to develop Wellbeing, People Management or Difficult Conversations skills for yourself or your team, click on the link for your sector below, to check out our latest training offers.

For Schools and Education

For Business and Charities

If you’ve any questions, or would like to discuss alternatives, do get in touch for an informal chat. EMAIL US, or book in an informal chat using the button below. We'll find out about the support you need and provide you with a no-obligation quote.

Karen Amos is an executive coach and Director and Founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports business owners, managers and education leaders to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.

Tel: 07714 855757 or email: [email protected][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

by Rachel Priestley

5 Ways to Build Accountability...

by Karen Amos

If you’re frustrated with a lack of accountability and responsibility within your staff or management teams, then why not try a coaching approach. This area often seems too overwhelming or intractable to address, but a few mindset shifts can be a game-changer. This is what makes a coaching approach that bit different. It’s not about following some lengthy script, but allowing you to be the best of yourself and having much better conversations with your people. And that's got to be good for everyone...

Here are 5 tips to get you started…

1. Don’t try to keep everyone happy all the time…

That’s not your job as a manager and to be frank, it’s impossible. If you measure your success by other people’s happiness, you’re destined for a life of failure. Of course, you want to build a contented, motivated work team, but the way to this is through building trusting, honest relationships, with a clear sense of purpose – not acquiescing to every demand and preference you’re faced with. Which leads us to…

2. Get to the point…

Don’t fluff up your conversations with endless, ‘How are you’s’ and ‘How was your weekend?’ This just distracts from the point you’re wanting to make and leaves people feeling distrustful. People always thank you for getting to the point, so long as it’s done with consideration.

Add graphic in here…

3. Begin with the end in mind…

This is one of Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. ^{1}When we’re addressing performance management or behaviour issues within our teams, we naturally focus on what we don’t want and what we want the person to stop doing. This inevitably leads to acrimonious conversations, where people feel criticised and defensive. Instead, take some time to work out what a positive outcome would look like, both from any conversation and also in the longer term. That way, you can focus on the solution, not the problem.

4. Don’t assume…

If you find yourself using phrases like, ‘Well, they should know…’, or, ‘They ought to be able to do that by now…’ you’re likely making assumptions. This isn’t to say you’re wrong, but until you have an open conversation with the other person you won’t know for sure. This is where a coaching approach to leadership comes to the fore. Rather than assuming and telling people what they should do, risking getting this wrong and alienating your staff, try asking probing questions regarding what their understanding of the issue is.

5. Start as you mean to go on…

I encounter so many issues where under-performance hasn’t been addressed in probation period, or just in a timely manner, then managers find themselves in a bind when matters don’t resolve themselves, or escalate. So always start as you mean to go on in your conversations. Set out expectations and build collaboration from day one. Whilst you may worry about being ‘nit-picky’ over small issues, a supportive, coaching conversation can bring people on track quickly, or if not, at least give you the evidence you need to implement more formal performance management procedures. And if you haven’t always done this? Well, the best time to start is now!

So, as a coach I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't ask the question... 'Which of these are you going to put in place, starting today?'

I hope you find these tips useful and do get in touch if you’ve any questions, or just for an informal chat or listening ear. We’re always happy to help

1. Covey, S.R., (2004) The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People. London: Simon & Schuster.

If you’d like to develop People Management or Difficult Conversations skills for yourself or your team, check out our latest training offers below. If you’ve any questions, or would like to discuss alternatives, do get in touch for an informal chat.

Click on the link below to find out more:

For Schools and Education

For Business and Charities

Or why not EMAIL US, or book in an informal chat using the button below. We'll find out about the support you need and provide you with a no-obligation quote.

Tel: 07714 855757 or email: [email protected][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

by Rachel Priestley

Tips to Make Difficult Conversations Easier

Tips to Make Difficult Conversations Easier...

by Karen Amos

I’ve been thinking a lot about the Difficult Conversations and Leadership training I deliver – particularly how people’s language and mindset affect their success. The usual expectation for this type of training is that if only we could learn a nifty phrase or approach, then we’d smash every difficult conversation, or be that amazing, inspirational leader.

Having an ethical business, I have to be honest and say, unfortunately there’s no such thing.

BUT… Don’t despair!

By being more conscious of our language and mindset through a coaching approach, we can instantly change a ‘difficult conversation’ to… just a ‘conversation’.

How much positive impact would that have on your life, both at work and personally? You need to speak to someone about something and you do. No worry, no dread, no hysterics - and no stress!

Here’s how it works. Let’s take the words ‘Difficult Conversation’. By using the word ‘difficult’, we have already set an expectation – that it’s going to be difficult/problematic/tough/upsetting, etc. This means we approach the situation from a negative or defensive standpoint from the start.

We frequently use the same type of language about people. They’re ‘difficult’, ‘awkward’, ‘a nightmare’ and on it goes. I’m sure you can see how this can taint our approach from the outset and set us on the wrong trajectory.

Now don’t get me wrong – I’m certainly not suggesting that we can magically transform people’s behaviour and attitudes just by changing a word, but you’d be surprised at the difference it can make.

Here are some coaching questions to get you thinking about your own mindset on these issues…

What is it about this conversation that I see as difficult?
What’s my evidence this is correct? Or is this assumption or fear on my part? (NB: there may be objective evidence and you should certainly act on this.)
What would I need to think and feel differently in order to see this situation or person in neutral, or even positive terms? (e.g. If we’ve labelled someone as ‘difficult’, could we perhaps see they’re ‘anxious’, or ‘disliking uncertainty’? Or that we’re ‘helping to solve a problem’?)
What would I lose or risk by changing my current thinking or beliefs about the situation or person?
What could I gain from describing the situation or person in more neutral or positive terms?

Click on the link below to find out more:

For Schools and Education

For Business and Charities

Or why not EMAIL US, or book in an informal chat using the button below. We'll find out about the support you need and provide you with a no-obligation quote.

Tel: 07714 855757 or email: [email protected][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

by Rachel Priestley

A Fresh Approach to Performance Management...

by Karen Amos

Life as a coach can be a strange way to earn a living. It can appear very negative on first inspection. I inhabit a world of performance management and even disciplinary proceedings. But it’s actually anything but negative.

You know the feeling – yet another member of staff has done or said something they shouldn’t have. (Again! – Cue slap head/rolling eyes emojis) You’re in despair. They’re a great member of staff, you can really see what they bring to the team, but there’s just this one recurring problem.

A classic example I encounter is the person who doesn’t communicate appropriately. This could be anything from a manager, to a front-line worker. Somewhere along the line, there is a trail of informal and even formal complaints about this person’s 'attitude' and communication style.

Or perhaps it’s their self-management in their role, such as managing workload.

So you do the right thing and ‘have a word’. You tell them what they’re doing isn’t appropriate, etc. and off they go. To do the exact same thing again. And on it goes, until finally your days are filled with grievance and disciplinary hearings. The whole thing often has an inevitability about it, BUT – there is another way!

It’s a coaching approach… Read on to find out how…

Traditionally, disciplinary and performance management has relied on telling people what we don’t want them to do. This definitely has its place in your management toolkit.

The problem with this approach is 3-fold:

It doesn’t get to the root of the problem
It doesn’t help them find the resources to work out what they should do instead
It doesn’t effectively build personal responsibility and accountability

This is where coaching as an approach comes into its own.

Before we go any further, do understand that coaching is no fluffy bunny approach – in fact just the opposite. This is a highly effective way to get to the root of the problem and give the responsibility for solving this right back to the person.

Here are two ways you can implement this approach in your workplace:

1. Take a coaching approach to managing people

This is simply to be clear about what you expect from the person, but then to use a coaching approach and questions to help them to come up with actions and solutions to resolve the issue.

This has the additional advantage of you easily being able to hold the person to account for any actions they set, which means they’re much more likely to follow this through, rather than taking your directions and suggestions.

2. Engaging a 1-to-1 professional coach

An external coach will have specialised tools and approaches to quickly get to the crux of the issue with the person. Often people don’t know what they don’t know, so using these approaches and a combination of coaching, training and mentoring means we can help the person explore and implement alternative ways to resolve the issue.

Areas I frequently work on with clients include building better communication styles with staff, managing their stress in high-pressure environments and changing mindsets to workload management.

As managers, you often don’t have the time to do this yourself and the confidential nature of coaching means people are much less defensive and likely to open up to the real challenges they’re facing.

If you’d like to develop People Management or Difficult Conversations skills for yourself or your team, check out our latest training offers below.

For Schools and Education

For Business and Charities

Tel: 07714 855757 or email:

by Rachel Priestley

Tips to Turn a Coaching Approach into your Leadership Superpower

by Karen Amos

I’ve just finished facilitating BrightBird’s latest Effective People Management programme. As with the previous programmes, participants bring along concerns, anxieties and ‘Is it me…?’ feelings around the challenges of managing people.

Interestingly, there are always common themes. Most people come with a sense of frustration of how they can’t just, ‘Get on with the job,’ and a feeling of, ‘Why is this always so difficult?’

This is usually accompanied by some sense of one step forward and two steps back, or feeling that managing people is like trying to nail jelly to a tree.

As a consequence, I find many managers of all levels feel they end up playing a role, rather than being themselves. And it’s not a role they enjoy. It’s often the role of ‘bad guy’ and whilst they’re prepared to step up and do this, it’s not one most of us would choose given an alternative.

My view is that no-one needs to ‘play’ anything. The ‘bad guy’ scenario inevitably leads us down a one-way street, with all concerned doubling down into increasingly entrenched positions. This is difficult if not impossible to step away from and often results in demotivated teams, or even a brain drain from your organisation.

I genuinely don’t believe working life needs to be so difficult – for managers and employees alike.

That’s why I’m on a mission to improve the quality of working life for everyone.

The problem is, most people in my experience, embark on a management career because they’re great at what they do. I mean, who seriously sets out in their career thinking, ‘I know, I’d love to be the line manager of tons of awkward people!’ Probably the same ones who look up ‘How to herd cats’ on google.

No, the fact is that we usually gain promotion because we’re the expert in our field. The best sales-person, the best teacher, etc., etc. The problem is, no-one told us how to be managers. Very few people are born with an innate ability to lead other people. But it can be learned.

And this is where a coaching approach becomes a bit of a superpower in my experience. I’ve used this approach personally and seen my clients implement this with fantastic results. It’s definitely an approach that sees compound benefits, with exponential growth in performance over a relatively short period of time. On the surface, it’s counterintuitive. Management is about putting the right people in the right place isn’t it? Well, yes… and no. How about seeing successful management as having your people put themselves in the right place?

So where to start? Here are a few tips to improve your coaching leadership style, along with some questions to help build insight into what’s going on for you.

1. Listen – I mean really listen. Listening isn’t about waiting for your turn to speak, or jumping in to close down the other person half way through a sentence.

Ask yourself – How would my peers and team members rate me as a listener?

2. Understand – Only when we’ve listened will we understand the other person’s viewpoint. The challenge is to show them we understand – even when we don’t agree with them!

Ask yourself – How often do I find myself or the other person saying some variation of, ‘Yeah, but…’ in my conversations? (This is a classic sign of a lack of understanding being demonstrated.)

3. Collaborate – It’s not your responsibility as a manager to solve everything on your own. That’s why you have a team and why it’s important to know who is responsible and accountable for what.

Ask yourself – Do I feel I’m carrying a burden of responsibility that other people don’t share in my team and how can I share this more equally?

4. Challenge – There are many types of challenge, but I like to call a coaching approach ‘challenge with a small ‘c’’. This doesn’t mean going out of your way to make people uncomfortable, or being on some kind of power trip. Instead, it means not accepting everything at face value and using coaching questions to explore and promote personal responsibility and accountability.

Ask yourself – Do I feel that members of your team are tying me in knots, or I come out of conversations wondering what just happened? If so, how can I be more enquiring in my conversations to find out more?

5. Problem solve – Coaching at its heart, is a problem-solving approach. You want something better and have a plan on how to get there. This is a gift for any effective manager to get the right results.

Ask yourself – Do my team get bogged down in problems and look to me to solve them, or do they naturally seek solutions themselves? If it’s the former, what can I do to enable them to problem-solve naturally?

Hopefully, you’ve now a few pointers to begin to develop your coaching leadership style.

If you’d like to learn more about how to take a coaching approach to Managing Difficult Conversations and people management, check out our latest courses below:

For Schools and Education

For Business and Charities

Or why not EMAIL US, or book in an informal chat using the button below. We’ll find out about the support you need and provide you with a no-obligation quote.

Tel: 07714 855757 or email: [email protected]

by Rachel Priestley

Why it's not normal to be happy - and what you should do instead...

by Karen Amos

I’ve been doing a lot of reading recently – around happiness. Actually, that’s not exactly true – I’ve been reading about how so many of us have drunk the ‘happiness Kool Aid’ and ironically, find ourselves miserable that we’re failing at happiness. As an occasionally grumpy, middle-aged Yorkshire woman, I find this fascinating.

Recent publications, such as Bad Therapy, The Antidote and The Anxious Generation are showing that for many of us, modern living standards have never been better, yet increasing numbers of young people and adults find themselves so unhappy they resort to therapy, including medication. The question surely is, if this is such an effective cure, why are people still unhappy?

Many years ago I was a student nurse. There are many stand outs from my training, good and bad, but one that changed my life was a sentence uttered by a lecturer on Mental Health…

‘The most you can expect is to be reasonably content most of the time.’

That’s it. And it profoundly changed the way I viewed my world and my expectations. To the extent that I am – reasonably content most of the time. So to that lecturer, wherever you are – thank you.

This may seem a bit lack-lustre for a coach, I admit. After all, aren’t we meant to be uber positive and seeking Nirvana-like states of happiness and success? Well some are I guess, but not me. I’m about doing.

Don’t get me wrong, I do believe there is a right time to seek therapy. I refer clients to specialist therapists if I find we’re addressing something that’s out of my area of expertise. In fact, I have sought counselling on occasions at certain points in my life and regularly use psychoanalytical models with my clients to help them make sense of their world.

But there is a danger in rumination. We won’t make ourselves or others resilient to the pressures of life by constantly going over the past and looking inwards.

So what is the answer?

I believe the answer lies in a stoical approach to coaching. This isn’t the ‘British stiff upper lip’ version, but the true version of Stoicism that says…

In life, circumstances will continue to challenge us, but it is within our gift to decide how we will respond to them.

Often coaching is seen as a bit ‘Pollyanna – all in the garden is rosy’, which is why many people (justifiably) call out, ‘toxic positivity’ at the relentless ‘just think positive’ messages. In fact coaching at its best is nothing of the sort. Tony Robbins has a great approach to this. I paraphrase:

Just relying on positive thinking alone is like going into your garden and chanting ‘there are no weeds, there are no weeds’, when your garden’s clearly full of weeds. You need to get in there and pull them out!

We need to accept that life is frequently challenging and bad stuff happens. Rather than passively accepting that, drowning in self-misery, or railing against the universe, we need to roll up our sleeves and deal with it. We need to take action that will serve us well.

My clients know I’m always going to come around to some version of this question…

‘So what are you going to do about it?’

That’s it – you want something to change – go change it! And if it’s not in your control to change it? Then work out what you’ll do to deal with that.

Here are a few coaching questions to get you started:

What’s my main challenge here?
What small, practical action I can take right now that will serve me well?
Is trying to fix this, worth the energy and time?
Is there anything I need to accept isn’t in my control? And what will I do to focus my energies elsewhere?

Remember, we’re all human and it’s important to acknowledge our feelings. If something bad happens, it’s perfectly natural and healthy to feel down, upset or angry. The problem is that simply dwelling on these feelings and responses will not serve us well, or help our situation. It’s therefore in your gift and best interests to start to coach yourself to a better way forward that will.

If you’d like to learn more about how to take a coaching approach to Managing Difficult Conversations and people management, check out our training courses below:

For Schools and Education

For Business and Charities

If you would like to find out more about BrightBird’s 1-to-1 and team coaching, check out our web pages using the links below:

For Business

For Education

For Charities

Or why not EMAIL US, or book in an informal chat using the button below. We'll find out about the support you need and provide you with a no-obligation quote.

Further reading:

Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren't Growing Up - By Abigail Shrier. Publisher: Sentinel

The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness - By Jonathon Haidt. Publisher: ‎Allen Lane

The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking - By Oliver Burkeman. Publisher: Vintage

Happy: Why More or Less Everything Is Absolutely Fine - By Derren Brown. Publisher: Corgi

Tel: 07714 855757 or email: [email protected]

by Rachel Priestley

Challenge or opportunity? You decide...

By Karen Amos

As a small business owner, I don’t always have the luxury of lots of spare capacity or fall-backs when things quickly change. Such a thing happened recently when one of my support team decided to take up a new job opportunity. Whilst I’m gutted to be losing a key support, I do understand their reasons for moving on and wish them every success. Inevitably though, this still caused pressures within my business.

After my initial OMG moment, feeling like I should be a model for a Munch painting, I remembered what I did for a living, gave myself a shake and put my coaching hat on. This helped me to re-frame the situation and ask myself:

Is there another way to see this?

It was hard not to focus solely on the multitude of upcoming challenges - our brains are wired to concentrate on perceived dangers, so that's our default setting. Once I'd named what was going on, there were also many positive opportunities for my business that I might otherwise not considered. These included building future capacity, re-prioritising my offer to clients, revisiting my pricing policy and many others. It’s easy to just go with the flow, particularly when things are going well, rather than giving things a bit of a shake up. Let’s face it, who doesn’t like a bit of comfort zone now and again - again, we can thank our brain for this - keeping us out of danger and seeking safety.

It's so easy for businesses and organisations to just grow organically in response to our market or circumstances, in good times and bad, but now and again we need a good reason to go back to the drawing board.

I would just like to add this isn’t about being all Pollyanna about things. As a slightly grumpy, middle-aged Yorkshire woman, Pollyanna isn’t my default setting I can assure you! As good old Tony Robbins says, ‘There’s no point standing in the garden chanting “There are no weeds, there are no weeds” when you’re surrounded by freaking weeds! The only thing that will help is to roll up your sleeves and pull them up!’

So let’s start to see the challenges as practical opportunities for change and getting out of our comfort zone and make the most of things!

If you’re struggling with a challenge or change, ask yourself the following coaching questions:

What are the opportunities, or positives in this challenge?
Is there a way to slow things down a little to create some thinking space?
If so, what are the priority things and what can I put down?
If I was starting from scratch here, what would I choose to do?

Have you turned a challenge into an opportunity recently? Let’s share the positive mindset!

If you’d like to find out how our 1-to-1 and team coaching programmes and training can help you get ‘unstuck’ and move forward this year…

Check out our website: www.bright-bird.co.uk

Call us: 07714 855757

or click HERE to book in a short, no-obligation chat

Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports leaders and managers to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a down-to-earth, practical approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.

by Rachel Priestley

coaching questions

Tips to Turn a Coaching Approach into your Leadership Superpower

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