Tips to Make Difficult Conversations Easier…

by Karen Amos

I’ve been thinking a lot about the Difficult Conversations and Leadership training I deliver – particularly how people’s language and mindset affect their success.  The usual expectation for this type of training is that if only we could learn a nifty phrase or approach, then we’d smash every difficult conversation, or be that amazing, inspirational leader.

Having an ethical business, I have to be honest and say, unfortunately there’s no such thing.

BUT… Don’t despair!

By being more conscious of our language and mindset through a coaching approach, we can instantly change a ‘difficult conversation’ to… just a ‘conversation’.

How much positive impact would that have on your life, both at work and personally?  You need to speak to someone about something and you do.  No worry, no dread, no hysterics – and no stress!

Here’s how it works.  Let’s take the words ‘Difficult Conversation’.  By using the word ‘difficult’, we have already set an expectation – that it’s going to be difficult/problematic/tough/upsetting, etc.  This means we approach the situation from a negative or defensive standpoint from the start.

We frequently use the same type of language about people.  They’re ‘difficult’, ‘awkward’, ‘a nightmare’ and on it goes.  I’m sure you can see how this can taint our approach from the outset and set us on the wrong trajectory.

Now don’t get me wrong – I’m certainly not suggesting that we can magically transform people’s behaviour and attitudes just by changing a word, but you’d be surprised at the difference it can make.

Here are some coaching questions to get you thinking about your own mindset on these issues…

  • What is it about this conversation that I see as difficult?
  • What’s my evidence this is correct? Or is this assumption or fear on my part? (NB: there may be objective evidence and you should certainly act on this.)
  • What would I need to think and feel differently in order to see this situation or person in neutral, or even positive terms? (e.g. If we’ve labelled someone as ‘difficult’, could we perhaps see they’re ‘anxious’, or ‘disliking uncertainty’?  Or that we’re ‘helping to solve a problem’?)
  • What would I lose or risk by changing my current thinking or beliefs about the situation or person?
  • What could I gain from describing the situation or person in more neutral or positive terms?

If you’d like to develop People Management or Difficult Conversations skills for yourself or your team, check out our latest Autumn training offers below.  If you’ve any questions, or would like to discuss alternatives, do get in touch for an informal chat.

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Karen Amos is an executive coach and Director and Founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports business owners, managers and education leaders to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships. 

Tel: 07714 855757 or email: [email protected][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]