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Tips to Make Difficult Conversations Easier

Tips to Make Difficult Conversations Easier...

by Karen Amos

I’ve been thinking a lot about the Difficult Conversations and Leadership training I deliver – particularly how people’s language and mindset affect their success. The usual expectation for this type of training is that if only we could learn a nifty phrase or approach, then we’d smash every difficult conversation, or be that amazing, inspirational leader.

Having an ethical business, I have to be honest and say, unfortunately there’s no such thing.

BUT… Don’t despair!

By being more conscious of our language and mindset through a coaching approach, we can instantly change a ‘difficult conversation’ to… just a ‘conversation’.

How much positive impact would that have on your life, both at work and personally? You need to speak to someone about something and you do. No worry, no dread, no hysterics - and no stress!

Here’s how it works. Let’s take the words ‘Difficult Conversation’. By using the word ‘difficult’, we have already set an expectation – that it’s going to be difficult/problematic/tough/upsetting, etc. This means we approach the situation from a negative or defensive standpoint from the start.

We frequently use the same type of language about people. They’re ‘difficult’, ‘awkward’, ‘a nightmare’ and on it goes. I’m sure you can see how this can taint our approach from the outset and set us on the wrong trajectory.

Now don’t get me wrong – I’m certainly not suggesting that we can magically transform people’s behaviour and attitudes just by changing a word, but you’d be surprised at the difference it can make.

Here are some coaching questions to get you thinking about your own mindset on these issues…

What is it about this conversation that I see as difficult?
What’s my evidence this is correct? Or is this assumption or fear on my part? (NB: there may be objective evidence and you should certainly act on this.)
What would I need to think and feel differently in order to see this situation or person in neutral, or even positive terms? (e.g. If we’ve labelled someone as ‘difficult’, could we perhaps see they’re ‘anxious’, or ‘disliking uncertainty’? Or that we’re ‘helping to solve a problem’?)
What would I lose or risk by changing my current thinking or beliefs about the situation or person?
What could I gain from describing the situation or person in more neutral or positive terms?

If you’d like to develop People Management or Difficult Conversations skills for yourself or your team, check out our latest Autumn training offers below. If you’ve any questions, or would like to discuss alternatives, do get in touch for an informal chat.

Click on the link below to find out more:

For Schools and Education

For Business and Charities

Or why not EMAIL US, or book in an informal chat using the button below. We'll find out about the support you need and provide you with a no-obligation quote.

Karen Amos is an executive coach and Director and Founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports business owners, managers and education leaders to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.

Tel: 07714 855757 or email: karen@bright-bird.co.uk[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

by Rachel Priestley

Tips to Turn a Coaching Approach into your Leadership Superpower

by Karen Amos

I’ve just finished facilitating BrightBird’s latest Effective People Management programme. As with the previous programmes, participants bring along concerns, anxieties and ‘Is it me…?’ feelings around the challenges of managing people.

Interestingly, there are always common themes. Most people come with a sense of frustration of how they can’t just, ‘Get on with the job,’ and a feeling of, ‘Why is this always so difficult?’

This is usually accompanied by some sense of one step forward and two steps back, or feeling that managing people is like trying to nail jelly to a tree.

As a consequence, I find many managers of all levels feel they end up playing a role, rather than being themselves. And it’s not a role they enjoy. It’s often the role of ‘bad guy’ and whilst they’re prepared to step up and do this, it’s not one most of us would choose given an alternative.

My view is that no-one needs to ‘play’ anything. The ‘bad guy’ scenario inevitably leads us down a one-way street, with all concerned doubling down into increasingly entrenched positions. This is difficult if not impossible to step away from and often results in demotivated teams, or even a brain drain from your organisation.

I genuinely don’t believe working life needs to be so difficult – for managers and employees alike.

That’s why I’m on a mission to improve the quality of working life for everyone.

The problem is, most people in my experience, embark on a management career because they’re great at what they do. I mean, who seriously sets out in their career thinking, ‘I know, I’d love to be the line manager of tons of awkward people!’ Probably the same ones who look up ‘How to herd cats’ on google.

No, the fact is that we usually gain promotion because we’re the expert in our field. The best sales-person, the best teacher, etc., etc. The problem is, no-one told us how to be managers. Very few people are born with an innate ability to lead other people. But it can be learned.

And this is where a coaching approach becomes a bit of a superpower in my experience. I’ve used this approach personally and seen my clients implement this with fantastic results. It’s definitely an approach that sees compound benefits, with exponential growth in performance over a relatively short period of time. On the surface, it’s counterintuitive. Management is about putting the right people in the right place isn’t it? Well, yes… and no. How about seeing successful management as having your people put themselves in the right place?

So where to start? Here are a few tips to improve your coaching leadership style, along with some questions to help build insight into what’s going on for you.

1. Listen – I mean really listen. Listening isn’t about waiting for your turn to speak, or jumping in to close down the other person half way through a sentence.

Ask yourself – How would my peers and team members rate me as a listener?

2. Understand – Only when we’ve listened will we understand the other person’s viewpoint. The challenge is to show them we understand – even when we don’t agree with them!

Ask yourself – How often do I find myself or the other person saying some variation of, ‘Yeah, but…’ in my conversations? (This is a classic sign of a lack of understanding being demonstrated.)

3. Collaborate – It’s not your responsibility as a manager to solve everything on your own. That’s why you have a team and why it’s important to know who is responsible and accountable for what.

Ask yourself – Do I feel I’m carrying a burden of responsibility that other people don’t share in my team and how can I share this more equally?

4. Challenge – There are many types of challenge, but I like to call a coaching approach ‘challenge with a small ‘c’’. This doesn’t mean going out of your way to make people uncomfortable, or being on some kind of power trip. Instead, it means not accepting everything at face value and using coaching questions to explore and promote personal responsibility and accountability.

Ask yourself – Do I feel that members of your team are tying me in knots, or I come out of conversations wondering what just happened? If so, how can I be more enquiring in my conversations to find out more?

5. Problem solve – Coaching at its heart, is a problem-solving approach. You want something better and have a plan on how to get there. This is a gift for any effective manager to get the right results.

Ask yourself – Do my team get bogged down in problems and look to me to solve them, or do they naturally seek solutions themselves? If it’s the former, what can I do to enable them to problem-solve naturally?

Hopefully, you’ve now a few pointers to begin to develop your coaching leadership style.

If you’d like to learn more about how to take a coaching approach to Managing Difficult Conversations and people management, we’ve just launched our Summer 2024 public courses.

Click on the link below to find out more:

For Schools and Education

For Business and Charities

Or why not EMAIL US, or book in an informal chat using the button below. We’ll find out about the support you need and provide you with a no-obligation quote.

Tel: 07714 855757 or email: karen@bright-bird.co.uk

by Rachel Priestley

Why it's not normal to be happy - and what you should do instead...

by Karen Amos

I’ve been doing a lot of reading recently – around happiness. Actually, that’s not exactly true – I’ve been reading about how so many of us have drunk the ‘happiness Kool Aid’ and ironically, find ourselves miserable that we’re failing at happiness. As an occasionally grumpy, middle-aged Yorkshire woman, I find this fascinating.

Recent publications, such as Bad Therapy, The Antidote and The Anxious Generation are showing that for many of us, modern living standards have never been better, yet increasing numbers of young people and adults find themselves so unhappy they resort to therapy, including medication. The question surely is, if this is such an effective cure, why are people still unhappy?

Many years ago I was a student nurse. There are many stand outs from my training, good and bad, but one that changed my life was a sentence uttered by a lecturer on Mental Health…

‘The most you can expect is to be reasonably content most of the time.’

That’s it. And it profoundly changed the way I viewed my world and my expectations. To the extent that I am – reasonably content most of the time. So to that lecturer, wherever you are – thank you.

This may seem a bit lack-lustre for a coach, I admit. After all, aren’t we meant to be uber positive and seeking Nirvana-like states of happiness and success? Well some are I guess, but not me. I’m about doing.

Don’t get me wrong, I do believe there is a right time to seek therapy. I refer clients to specialist therapists if I find we’re addressing something that’s out of my area of expertise. In fact, I have sought counselling on occasions at certain points in my life and regularly use psychoanalytical models with my clients to help them make sense of their world.

But there is a danger in rumination. We won’t make ourselves or others resilient to the pressures of life by constantly going over the past and looking inwards.

So what is the answer?

I believe the answer lies in a stoical approach to coaching. This isn’t the ‘British stiff upper lip’ version, but the true version of Stoicism that says…

In life, circumstances will continue to challenge us, but it is within our gift to decide how we will respond to them.

Often coaching is seen as a bit ‘Pollyanna – all in the garden is rosy’, which is why many people (justifiably) call out, ‘toxic positivity’ at the relentless ‘just think positive’ messages. In fact coaching at its best is nothing of the sort. Tony Robbins has a great approach to this. I paraphrase:

Just relying on positive thinking alone is like going into your garden and chanting ‘there are no weeds, there are no weeds’, when your garden’s clearly full of weeds. You need to get in there and pull them out!

We need to accept that life is frequently challenging and bad stuff happens. Rather than passively accepting that, drowning in self-misery, or railing against the universe, we need to roll up our sleeves and deal with it. We need to take action that will serve us well.

My clients know I’m always going to come around to some version of this question…

‘So what are you going to do about it?’

That’s it – you want something to change – go change it! And if it’s not in your control to change it? Then work out what you’ll do to deal with that.

Here are a few coaching questions to get you started:

What’s my main challenge here?
What small, practical action I can take right now that will serve me well?
Is trying to fix this, worth the energy and time?
Is there anything I need to accept isn’t in my control? And what will I do to focus my energies elsewhere?

Remember, we’re all human and it’s important to acknowledge our feelings. If something bad happens, it’s perfectly natural and healthy to feel down, upset or angry. The problem is that simply dwelling on these feelings and responses will not serve us well, or help our situation. It’s therefore in your gift and best interests to start to coach yourself to a better way forward that will.

If you’d like to learn more about how to take a coaching approach to Managing Difficult Conversations and people management, we’ve just launched our Summer 2024 public courses.

Click on the link below to find out more:

For Schools and Education

For Business and Charities

If you would like to find out more about BrightBird’s 1-to-1 and team coaching, check out our web pages using the links below:

For Business

For Education

For Charities

Or why not EMAIL US, or book in an informal chat using the button below. We'll find out about the support you need and provide you with a no-obligation quote.

Further reading:

Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren't Growing Up - By Abigail Shrier. Publisher: Sentinel

The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness - By Jonathon Haidt. Publisher: ‎Allen Lane

The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking - By Oliver Burkeman. Publisher: Vintage

Happy: Why More or Less Everything Is Absolutely Fine - By Derren Brown. Publisher: Corgi

Tel: 07714 855757 or email: karen@bright-bird.co.uk

by Rachel Priestley

5 Tips to Help You Switch Off From Work

By Karen Amos

I see a lot of posts on social media about people who find they can't switch off during the holidays. Is this you? Whether you're going away somewhere or having a break at home, the feeling that your long awaited holiday is finally here, but your mind's whirring like a machine and all you can think about is how many jobs there are to do when you get back - if not before!

As a note of reassurance here, you're not alone. The pace of the working week can seem relentless. For some the 'end of the (working) day' never really comes, particularly with the advent of home-working. This means we're living in an 'Always On' state of high arousal levels and stress.

In simple terms, this means rather than your adrenaline response shutting off, allowing your stress to ebb and flow naturally, your brain has its foot on the gas pedal and keeps it there. This response is supposed to be fleeting - just long enough for you to get yourself out of imminent danger. In the case of workplace stress, it can remain in place. For months sometimes. This leaves your body and brain unable to simply flick the switch to turn off the response, even though it's not needed any more.

So what to do? Here are a few tips and coaching questions to help train your brain to lift its foot off your stress gas pedal, so you can work and rest productively. Remember, the aim isn't to solve all of these in one go. No point ending up more stressed out by trying to fix your stress levels! Instead, pick one area and take one small action at a time...

Tip #1:

See time off as an investment - Explore and clarify to yourself how you will be more productive if you take time off to rest, whether that's for an evening, a weekend or a holiday. Set out clearly what you would gain - naming it makes all the difference, then you know what you're aiming for.

Tip #2:

Make a list of everything that needs to be done - Include everything, big or small. This allows you to stop worrying that you’ve forgotten something and allows you to stop spinning those mental plates. Remind yourself you can add any jobs, when they come into your head as you go along.

Tip #3:

Prioritise what needs to be done – Do a reality check and ask yourself - Is this thing possible? – is it essential? – Also ask yourself what would happen if this wasn’t completed before the end of the month, or if you were off sick? Chances are most of these tasks will be less 'urgent' and 'important' than you feel they are right now. Where you can, block out things into a basic timescale or planner.

Tip #4:

Switch off your media – This means no checking in on emails and social media. Give yourself a digital detox and if you find this makes you anxious or you have such strong ingrained habits to pick up your phone, put your phone or laptop out of reach at least for a short while.

Tip #5:

Find something practical to do – If you engage in a practical activity, you're more likely to be distracted from the anxious feelings, at least for a while. Get outdoors for some exercise. Not only is this a great stress-buster, it will also help you to sleep. Whether it's indoors or outdoors, book activities in that you enjoy and revel in that restorative distraction. Why not catch up with friends and family too? Having a laugh and talking with others is a great distraction. Just stick to those positive people in your life and avoid the 'joy stealers'!

Hopefully, these will help you set some positive habits and ensure you have some quality time off so you're well-rested and on top of your game when you return to work. In the meantime, here's wishing everyone a positive and productive month, no matter what you have planned!

Find out about our training courses and coaching using the links below:

For Schools and Education

For Business and Charities

Or why not EMAIL US, or book in an informal chat using the button below. We'll find out about the support you need and provide you with a no-obligation quote.

Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports business owners and managers who are feeling the pressure, to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a practical, down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.

by karena

Team Coaching - What is it and how does it help?

Team Coaching - What Is It And How Does It Help?

By Karen Amos

Whilst one-to-one coaching is becoming increasingly popular, team coaching has been slower to catch on. The term itself sparks interest, but there's little information out there about what it actually entails. Reason for this is that team coaching is an evolving concept.

Here are some Q&A's around Team Coaching:

What is Team Coaching?

Team Coaching is a way to implement the approaches and benefits of coaching within a group and organisational context.

Working with groups of people - rather than 1:1 - teams work together to overcome issues that they and/or their organisation are facing. This enables them to build a positive, problem-solving approach to their work.

When would you use Team Coaching?

Team Coaching can be used for:

Supporting teams to work through times of change or crisis
Implementing projects
Building new teams
Developing and supporting leadership and management teams
Supporting individuals with professional development within peer groups

How does it work?

Groups or teams of between 4 and 10 people are identified
These groups meet on a regular basis – e.g. weekly/fortnightly/monthly
Can be online via video meeting, or in-person
Sessions last between 1 ½ and 2 hours
A programme of sessions is agreed – we recommend at least 4 sessions
Team Coaching – a coach/facilitator supports the group to identify the issue they wish to work on, with clear outcomes

Peer Coaching – Individuals within the group set out their own issue they would like to work on that week
The group are supported to use incisive questioning and coaching tools to seek solutions to the identified issues
The group or individual then decide actions they will take by the next session
These actions are reviewed at the beginning of each session

What are the benefits?

An effective tool in change and crisis management
Builds personal and collective responsibility
Brings accountability
Helps with team-building
Helps team to develop coaching skills
Develops a positive, solution-focused mindset with clear outcomes
Excellent for leadership development – builds confidence and reflective skills
Builds a cohesive team approach to issues
Allows individuals and teams to feel supported within the organisation
Helps to manage stress and build resilience
Builds more agile teams and ways of working

Who is it for?

Leadership and management teams of all levels
Project teams
Peer groups within organisations
Function teams
Work groups

Why do we need a facilitator?

An experienced and qualified coach facilitator is essential to get the best out of team coaching. They are able to clarify objectives, manage expectations and behaviour and most importantly, ensure the session remains coaching focussed, rather than just an advice-giving session, or a talking shop.

We find that without a facilitator who is experienced in coaching, most team coaching quickly deteriorates into a ‘moan-fest’ or ‘catch up’ session, losing the desired positive, results-focused approach that was intended.

Initially, many members of teams will naturally veer towards advice-giving, rather than coaching. An experienced coach facilitator is able to recognise this and help develop the team’s coaching and incisive questioning skills and thus, effectiveness.

What’s the difference between Team Coaching and a staff team meeting?

Rightly or wrongly, staff team meetings often centre around updates and procedure. They’re inevitably facilitated by a senior member of the team, or manager and as a result have an imbalance of power and issues around accountability and responsibility.

Team Coaching creates a more equitable environment, where everyone is expected to contribute and take responsibility for finding the solution to an issue. It focuses very specifically on one, or a small number of issues, with the intention of seeking and implementing tangible solutions to this.

If you would like to book team coaching for your business, organisation or school, or would like an informal, no-obligation chat about how this can work for you, call us on 07714 855757, or email info@bright-bird.co.uk.

Check out our latest training offers at https://brightbird.wordifysites.com/services/training-courses/

Karen Amos is an executive coach and founder of BrightBird Coaching & Training. She supports business owners and managers to get the best out of themselves and their teams. She brings a practical, down-to-earth approach to improving working lives through better leadership, communication and working relationships.

by karena

Feeling Overwhelmed? Try Chunking...

By Karen Amos

I recently returned from holiday feeling very rested. I was raring to get stuck back into work – I’ve loads of exciting work, opportunities and projects going on right now. The thing is I didn’t – get stuck into work I mean. I just couldn’t find the concentration required to knuckle down to the work, with the inevitable self-recrimination that brings. That just brought me more stress.

The thing was I couldn’t understand why. I love my work and all the jobs I had lined up were things I enjoy (well, apart from my book-keeping, but let’s not talk about that right now!).

So what was going on?

I’ve finally realised after a few days it was good old overwhelm. I was simply trying to hold too much in my head at once. Now those of you that already know me will know I’m a huge fan of lists, so I don’t have to hold loads of info in my head, so why didn’t they work? The answer was that the tasks felt too diverse – they were like confetti being scattered all over the place and I was spending way too much mental energy keeping it all swept into a pile.

So here’s when I decided to chunk my work.

Chunking is simply the art of pulling together similar pieces of work or information to allow our brain some space to actually work on things. There’s no right or wrong way to do this, but here’s how it worked for me…

Step 1 – I wrote down the main functions of my business – e.g. financial, marketing, clients, etc.

Step 2 – Under each of these I listed the main things I need to achieve over the next month – e.g. follow up clients, arrange meetings with contacts, write blogs…

Step 3 – I created a ‘Drop List’ on my One Note app where I can check in with these mini ‘chunks’ and ‘drop’ any new items in there as they arise, or that I may have missed.

Step 4 – Check in at the beginning of each week to plan in time to address each of these issues.

But isn’t this just adding another layer to an already significant workload?

In fact, this is just the opposite. Now I’ve captured everything I need to do and organised it into meaningful ‘chunks’, I have freed up brain space to actually work on the tasks. This also gives me opportunity to schedule work into my planner, helping me to estimate how much time I’ll actually need to complete the things I’ve identified.

Along with this, as a person with strong visual preferences, I've colour coded each chunk too. This helps my brain to separate these out.

The result? A clear focus, less anxiety and more productivity. Give it a try if you’re feeling that you’re just not making a dent into your tasks.

If you would like to find out more about how you and your teams can improve their time management and productivity, whilst minimising stress and overwhelm, check out our new Positive and Productive online programme.

For schools

For Business and VCSE organisations

For an informal, no-obligation chat about how we can help you, call us on 07714 855757, or email info@bright-bird.co.uk.

by karena

Professional Fatigue – Taking steps to recovery…

By Karen Amos

‘Fatigue’ and 'Exhaustion' seem to be the word of the moment for many, with an inevitable impact on productivity and mental wellbeing. Of course, some sectors are suffering more than others, education and health care to name but two, but there are increasing signs of strain everywhere.

Whilst there's no magic wand (I wish!), here are some tips and coaching questions to help you on the road to recovery...

Prioritise:

I’m not going to suggest you just down tools. OK, if that’s possible with no consequence, go ahead, but for most people that just isn’t the case. There will definitely be some activities that are ‘must do’s’ at the moment however, and some that will have lesser consequences if not done immediately.

'Where am I feeling the pressure right now?'

Ask yourself, ‘Where am I most feeling the pressure right now?’, then list all the things you can do to minimise or eliminate this, however improbable these may seem. Talking this over with a colleague or someone else you trust can help you out of the ‘stuck-ness’. It may, for example, feel impossible that you can hand some tasks over or re-schedule, but an outside perspective often helps bring a new reality. Many more things are possible than we first perceive.

Another useful question to help challenge is, ‘What will happen if I don’t do this activity right now?’ and if it’s unavoidable, ‘How long can I postpone it for to give me more space and time to restore my energy levels?’

Rest:

This is so obvious to be insulting right? But, even in the best of times, most people don't get enough proper rest. Again, it’s easier said than done, but many of us are experiencing a state of underlying anxiety and in some cases, possibly hypervigilance. This leads us to constantly scan our horizon for threats and reassurance that all’s ok. Signs of this include sleeplessness and constant checking in, or compulsion to check in on the latest news and social media updates.

The paradox is that the more we check and strive to stay on top of things, the more tired and less productive/more anxious we become.

Here are some ways you can give yourself permission to rest:

Take time off work – This is the obvious one, but many of us haven't had a 'proper' break for months now and have nothing booked in for the near future. It seemed a bit pointless to take time off when we couldn’t really go anywhere during lockdown and for many people a 'proper holiday' means abroad. No matter what your plans, it can help to plan some activities in beforehand though, so you feel your time has been well spent – even if that means catching up on some reading or taking a day-trip from home. Taking time off means a complete break however – no checking in on calls, or emails. Just a couple of days can make all the difference. To do this consistently, engage and discuss this with your team beforehand to ensure you’re not disturbed. Remember to plan ahead and book the time off in your diary. It's unlikely to happen if you don't.

Cut out the media – Give yourself a social media break. You can do this by:
- Allocating a specific window of time you’ll check in each day
- Blocking or unfollowing accounts that you find stressful or negative
- Asking yourself, ‘Will reading this help me right now?’ if you’re tempted to click on something contentious that’d send your blood pressure soaring
- Having a social media ‘holiday’. Switch off or even uninstall the apps on your phone
- Make social media unavailable. If you find yourself getting caught in a ‘scroll hole’, put your phone out of reach. I charge my phone on the landing each night, so I don’t take it into the bedroom

Ration the news – Things are changing fast at the moment, so it’s natural to want to be on top of developments, but again, this can feed anxiety. One way to solve this can be to set a daily check in on the news. Choose your preferred news ‘channel’, be that on TV, the radio, or the internet and set a time each day where you’ll have a proper catch up.

Set manageable working hours – Even in the best of times, there’s always more to do than there is time to do it in. Accepting that is the first step to taking back control. Remember that the longer we work, the less productive we become, so long working weeks quickly become counterproductive.
- Planning a start and finish time for your day in advance.
- Set out what you wish to achieve that day – remembering to keep this realistic and finish as soon as you've completed your tasks.
- Plan in what you will do when you finish work. That way you’ve something to aim for.
- Packing away your laptop/work equipment when you’ve reached your finish time. This is particularly important when working from home.
- Asking someone to give you a nudge when you reach your prearranged finishing time.
- Telling work colleagues when you will/won’t be available and asking them to help you with this by not contacting you outside these times.

Looking at the tips above, try this coaching question:

Remember to enlist others to help you to succeed. Your colleagues, friends and family can make great accountability buddies. Good luck with your next steps...

For further support for you or your team, check out our training page HERE.

For an informal, no-obligation chat about how we can help you, call us on 07714 855757, or email info@bright-bird.co.uk.

by karena

Coaching's fine - but I don't have the time...

Coaching's Fine - but I don't have the time...

By Karen Amos

I was asked in a webinar this week what I would say to the viewpoint that managers are too busy to coach. This is something I hear often - and as someone with years of management experience, I completely get it. You want to develop your team. You can see there are issues and want to find solutions, but the issues are pressing, there are a hundred other items on your to-do list and everyone is demanding your attention. And that's on a good week!

It's hard to find a sustainable way out of this. I recall when I was most under pressure, the first thing to slip would be staff one-to-ones, with the inevitable conflicts and crises because I'd taken my eye off the ball from what really made the difference - the day to day support and performance of the team.

Stephen Covey succinctly captured the importance of ongoing team support and development in his Time Management Matrix. (1)

Quadrant 2 is where the real performance happens. The times you and your team have been in a 'flow state', or 'in the zone', where everyone is fully engaged, energised, focused and committed to the task in hand, that's Quadrant 2.

Unfortunately, these periods rarely last in practice and we find quadrant 1 and 3 activities impinging and taking over, leading to more firefighting and round it all goes again.

Rather than leading us to Quadrant 2, the current circumstances with the pandemic have dumped us right in the centre of Quadrant 1, whether we like it or not - with a huge heap of Quadrant 3's calls, meetings and emails for good measure. And with this comes overwhelm.

'I don't have time to coach...'

This is where I would suggest you don't have time to NOT coach your team. Don't get me wrong - I've been there with the 12 hour days and 6/7 day weeks and know how hard it is to see daylight.

By taking a coaching approach with your team - asking incisive questions, understanding what the problem is and giving back personal and collective responsibility - you free yourself up and stop trying to be a one person solution to everything.

Coaching is an investment...

See time spent coaching as an investment. A small investment of time and effort for exponential gain. The investment that will move you out of your current situation. The one where your team don't look to you for every answer and you can finally begin to concentrate on the things that really count.

One-to-one coaching, particularly from an external coach brings amazing results to the workplace, but it does come at a cost. If this is outside your budget there are other options. You can introduce Team Coaching, where with facilitation, the team coach themselves to find solutions to issues.

Additionally, you can introduce 'Coaching Conversations' as part of your organisational culture. Culture being 'the way we do things around here'. This means any conversation in the workplace can be a coaching opportunity, whether that's an informal catch up over zoom, whilst you're waiting for the kettle to boil, or in a one-to-one meeting. All of these can be based on the coaching principles of 'ask not tell'. A powerful way to generate positive action and buy-in from your team.

So before you tell yourself you don't have time - why not have a coaching conversation with yourself and ask what you'll gain from a relatively small investment of your time to introduce coaching to your team.

Covey S.R., (2020). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. Simon & Schuster. UK

Check out our latest training Essential Coaching Skills Webinars HERE

If you would like to discuss coaching for your business, organisation or school, or would like an informal, no-obligation chat about how this can work for you, call us on 07714 855757, or email info@bright-bird.co.uk.

by karena

Don't be an ostrich - Dare to ask!

By Karen Amos

The change continues inexorably onwards, although thankfully not always at this pace. It’s clear however, that the current challenges and uncertainties are going to be with us for a significant time to come.

There are an overwhelming amount of challenges facing managers and business owners as we leave lockdown, whether that's in business, schools, or organisations, including:

Bringing staff back into the workplace from home working or furlough
Managing geographically dispersed teams
Managing redundancy and re-structures
Managing the health and safety needs of staff and the public

Whilst home-working has introduced increased effectiveness in many areas, there are difficulties too. If you’re used to asking a question from the person sat at the next desk for example, there’s an inevitable time lag if you’re homeworking.

Additionally, whilst there was a huge novelty factor for many at the start of homeworking, there’s now a marked division in those who want to remain working from home and those who are desperate to return to the workplace. Failure to address this will cost many businesses enormously.

Socially distanced working and constant change also means managers have to work extra hard at employee engagement, particularly when there are tough business and strategic decisions that need to be taken.

Of course, with challenges also come opportunities.

For managers and business owners to review their role and what this means in relation to the team and productivity
To forge a new, stronger relationship with the team
To re-generate a more positive culture
To harness new ideas and ways of working to strengthen the organisation for the future

The challenge of course, is how to maximise those opportunities in the face of what are complex business and organisational landscapes. How do you balance the need for honesty, whilst giving your teams the support they need?

The answer lies in questions. This will be no surprise to many of you that by this, I mean taking a coaching approach.

I know from personal experience that this can be scary. After all, we may not get the answer we would like! I’ve certainly worked with some people in my remote past whom I would have quailed to ask for fear of opening the inevitable humongous can of worms that would follow. With that comes the ostrich approach to management. You know the one – asking the cheery, ‘How is everyone today? All well? Oh, good!’, whilst departing the room at a rate of knots. But at least you asked didn’t you?

Nowadays thankfully, I know better. Asking meaningful questions doesn't mean throwing yourself to the lions, then being left in a position where you can’t possibly deliver on the answer. Instead this involves employee engagement in its truest sense, where everyone is supported to take appropriate responsibility for seeking solutions.

Often our first response is to jump in and ‘do the right thing’ like some managerial Tigger, who is inevitably left wondering, ‘What happened there?’ Instead, we’re talking about a more consultative approach. Coaching isn’t about giving everyone what they ask for – the needs of the business must come first, after all, that’s why you’re all there.

Ask yourself and your team the following coaching questions to help understand what’s really needed:

What is and isn’t working for you right now?
How would you prefer things to be in an ideal world?
What do you need to be productive and well at work?
What are your main challenges right now?
What do you foresee your challenges to be in the short/medium and long term?

Then follow up with:

What would help right now?
What can you change in your practice or way you’re approaching things that would help?
What practical measures can you, the team, or the organisation put in place?
What support do you need, from whom and how often?
How can you provide support to others?
How will you recognise that things are not working in future?

The obvious approach is for managers to schedule dedicated one-to-one time with employees on a regular basis. The solution for one employee, may not be right for another, but again this is something you can agree on individually.

Another way to embed a solution-focused attitude within the team is through implementing Team Coaching. This is an extremely effective tool in times of change and uncertainty. The team can work out the above issues, supporting each other and taking responsibility for finding and implementing the solutions. It’s also a powerful way to build accountability.

Either way, taking a coaching approach does involve an amount of courage for any business owner or manager, but the positive benefits for the team and business or organisation will be considerable and will far outweigh the costs and anxiety of being an ostrich.

If you'd like to find out more about Team Coaching, get in touch.

For an informal, no-obligation chat about how we can help you, call us on 07714 855757, or email info@bright-bird.co.uk.

by karena

Professional Fatigue – what to do when you can’t even reach your bootstraps…

By Karen Amos

‘Fatigue’ seems to be the word of the moment. I’m hearing it everywhere. From managers, business owners, workers, head teachers and parents. I usually come into the bracket of positive, or at least pragmatic in the face of challenge (to the consternation of the nay-sayers!), but even I’ve succumbed to bouts of negativity and fatigue in the last week or so.

Some of the most positive, chilled out people I know have told me they don’t recognise or even like the person they are at the moment – they’re fractious, complaining, negative, angry… The fact is people are exhausted – mentally and emotionally drained.

So what’s happened to cause this? It’s not that long ago that everyone was lauding the positive ‘New Normal’, of a slower, kinder pace of life and this is what they were going to take forward from now on.

There’s probably no single reason for these feelings, but here are a few possible causes. Of course, being a coach, this isn't just a moan-fest, so I've also included some first steps and coaching questions to lift us out of this situation.

Change:

Change is mentally and emotionally challenging at any time, but we’ve had relentless change for over three months and there’s no sign of this letting up – which brings…

Uncertainty:

We have no idea what’s coming next. Is it right to be optimistic? What if we are and our hopes are dashed? How long will this situation go on for? The questions are endless and often unanswerable.

Responsibility:

Responsibility can be both personal and collective. People working in positions of responsibility know the day to day challenges they face around the wellbeing of their staff and stakeholders, but now the potentially catastrophic effect of their decisions, both physically and financially, is front and centre.

Constant giving of support can leave personal reserves depleted, particularly when there are difficult decisions to be made around working conditions and employment.

Environment:

Most people now have a clear idea on where they sit on the ‘homeworking/office working’ spectrum. Many have recognised their needs aren’t been met when solely working from home, particularly if they’re child-wrangling/home-educating at the same time. Virtual office ‘quiz nights’, simply can’t replace the required level of social interactions for those who need this.

Lack of control:

This has rightly been explored in detail throughout the pandemic. The issue is that the lack of control continues, not just at a government level, but also societally. We’re given rules to follow, but other people aren’t necessarily conforming and we have no control or even influence over their behaviour. This in turn introduces the issue of…

Personal Values:

This is our inner voice – the one that gives us direction in our lives and governs our decisions and behaviour. When other people behave in ways we don’t morally agree with, our emotional response can be extreme. This can quickly lead to feelings of anger, overwhelm, hopelessness and inevitably, exhaustion if we can’t reconcile these.

So, what to do?

Be Mindful:

This is often a necessary first step in self-care.

This isn’t about gaining some kind of Nirvana-like state, but merely acknowledging and being aware of how you’re feeling. It’s not always easy to admit, even to yourself, that you’re behaving or thinking in a way you don’t like, that may not fit with your values.

Hit the pause button and take a few minutes out, however briefly, to think about what's going on for you right now. Accept that it’s natural and normal in the current circumstances and that it won’t be permanent.

Reflect:

On what’s causing your fatigue?

Try this coaching question:

Identify what the underlying reasons are. There will likely be at least a couple. Finding and isolating the cause will help put a brake on your internal mental hamster-wheel, bringing some rational thinking into the equation. You then have a starting point to begin taking practical steps to resolve some of these.

We’ll look at more tips and coaching questions to improve your wellbeing and productivity in our next blog.

If you would like to find out more about how you and your teams can improve their time management and productivity, whilst minimising stress and overwhelm, check out our new Positive and Productive online programme.

For schools

For Business and VCSE organisations

For an informal, no-obligation chat about how we can help you, call us on 07714 855757, or email info@bright-bird.co.uk.

by karena

team coaching

Tips to Turn a Coaching Approach into your Leadership Superpower

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